Baseball Banter Enthusiast Gifts

'That's him in the press box. Third sportswriter from the left. Toss one up there and brush him back from his laptop...'

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

"There will be a winning team and a losing team. Are you OK with that?"

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

'Oh, and this ringtone is an app that alerts me when a fly ball is headed my way.'

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

Perils of the double play.

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

"My wife wanted to see a diamond. So I took her to a ballgame."

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

Bases loaded, no outs. And coach once again turns to his trusty golden reliever.

Two Men Discuss Ministers.

'We went generic. The players' salaries are affordable.'

'OK, now let's switch places.'

"They'll be expecting adagio. Go with the allegro."

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

Official Team Cap With Beard

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

"Why so aloof in here? When you're on base, you yak your ass off with every Yankee in sight."

"My client greatly regrets the incident with the carving knife. However, in her defense, 14 people were coming for Thanksgiving and her husband, who had just one job to do, bought only 8 rolls."

'Here is is. 'Vicarious: imagined participation in another's experience' ... it doesn't mean you actually get to play on your son's team.'

"We would have won if it hadn't been for the other team."

'I'll take the one on the right.'

'You've got us backward. I'm Vinnie, and my short and subtle brother is Vignette.'

'God, quick! Give me the gift of the gab.'

'It took some doing, but we got your name on!'

"Meanwhile in Dogtown... Put your tongue back in your mouth. And pull up your pants. That’s not what your mom said last night."

Baseball Dreams

"Get the meat loaf—I hit it out of the park today."

"Did you honestly expect our couples therapist to know when Jacoby Ellsbury will be off the disabled list?!"