Baseball Banter Enthusiast Gifts

'That's him in the press box. Third sportswriter from the left. Toss one up there and brush him back from his laptop...'

'Wow! That was some world series, Ella! Both Pujols and Holland were just amazing...'

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

"There will be a winning team and a losing team. Are you OK with that?"

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

'Oh, and this ringtone is an app that alerts me when a fly ball is headed my way.'

350 Feet.

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

Perils of the double play.

Bases loaded, no outs. And coach once again turns to his trusty golden reliever.

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

Two Men Discuss Ministers.

"My wife wanted to see a diamond. So I took her to a ballgame."

'We went generic. The players' salaries are affordable.'

'OK, now let's switch places.'

"They'll be expecting adagio. Go with the allegro."

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

"Why so aloof in here? When you're on base, you yak your ass off with every Yankee in sight."

Official Team Cap With Beard

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

Extra innings.

Goodbye Opiate of the Masses

"My client greatly regrets the incident with the carving knife. However, in her defense, 14 people were coming for Thanksgiving and her husband, who had just one job to do, bought only 8 rolls."

'Here is is. 'Vicarious: imagined participation in another's experience' ... it doesn't mean you actually get to play on your son's team.'

"We would have won if it hadn't been for the other team."

'I'll take the one on the right.'

"Did you honestly expect our couples therapist to know when Jacoby Ellsbury will be off the disabled list?!"

'It took some doing, but we got your name on!'

"Meanwhile in Dogtown... Put your tongue back in your mouth. And pull up your pants. That’s not what your mom said last night."

Stadium. No fans allowed. In baseball, "shutout" now has two meanings.

'You've got us backward. I'm Vinnie, and my short and subtle brother is Vignette.'

"Get the meat loaf—I hit it out of the park today."

Baseball Dreams