Baseball Banter Lover Gifts

"Daddy doesn't hate the Yankees. Daddy has issues with the Yankees."

Hey pitcher, the only thing uglier than your face is your fastball! Your arm's limper than overcooked linguini! My dead great grandmother could hit that curveball! I love sports.

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

'Oh, and this ringtone is an app that alerts me when a fly ball is headed my way.'

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

Two Men Discuss Ministers.

A bunch of baseball players sitting on a baseball diamond watching TV.

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

'Clear out your desk, Randy. ...NEXT!'

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

I watched an erotic thriller last night. Have you heard of the film 'Field of Dreams'?

An Archeologic Dig

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

"Why so aloof in here? When you're on base, you yak your ass off with every Yankee in sight."

'The only thing exciting about these games is our dads fighting with the umpire.'

"Where do you see yourself in five pints time?"

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

"My client greatly regrets the incident with the carving knife. However, in her defense, 14 people were coming for Thanksgiving and her husband, who had just one job to do, bought only 8 rolls."

All Star Team.

'Don't get up. ... I've got it!'

'Yo, Corona! Pack your stuff! You've been traded.'

'You've got us backward. I'm Vinnie, and my short and subtle brother is Vignette.'

"That fish may be bigger, but I caught more."

"Meanwhile in Dogtown... Put your tongue back in your mouth. And pull up your pants. That’s not what your mom said last night."

Footballer holding team mates bum while preparing for a penalty shoot out

'Well, there's another strikeout. ... get that bat company on the phone. I'm having second thoughts about their so-called 'volume discount.''

"Have you heard of Murphy's Law 2.0? It's anything that could possibly go wrong often does...as well as a thing or two that couldn't possibly go wrong."

"Hey Eric. Do you think they're silicone implants?"

Adding people with a background in music has made the team better. The new hitting coach is just like clarinet player Benny Goodman. Benny Goodman was "The King of Swing"! Nobody is better with that instrument than this guy. That's why he's playing first bass! The rock star with bat cleanup for the team. He'll have some big hits this year! And the opera singer will be the new ace on the mound. Thanks to the perfect pitch!

Waiting for the end of the acid-rain delay at the ballpark in the year 2258...

I conduct comprehensive surveys - I ask my girlfriend.

A Cat about to smash into a Goldfish Aquarium for a meal.