Baseball Banterer Gifts

'See the guy in the fifth row, red shirt? Do me a favor and nail him with a fastball...'

"Things are going well, so I may as well ask: how about those Mets? Ha-ha, just kidding. The tail. Please fix this tail thing."

Baseball player: 'I'll let my bat do my talking!' BAT: '...I have nothing to say'

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

'Well, gotta get up early and start drinking again.'

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

'Oh, and this ringtone is an app that alerts me when a fly ball is headed my way.'

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

Two Men Discuss Ministers.

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

'I'm terribly worried, Doctor - he doesn't talk back to Bill O'Reilly any more.'

"My client greatly regrets the incident with the carving knife. However, in her defense, 14 people were coming for Thanksgiving and her husband, who had just one job to do, bought only 8 rolls."

Macho talk from down in accounting.

"Meanwhile in Dogtown... Put your tongue back in your mouth. And pull up your pants. That’s not what your mom said last night."

'You've got us backward. I'm Vinnie, and my short and subtle brother is Vignette.'

'This isn't a non-profit-making organization you know! Or at least, it wasn't until you started working here!'

"An open one-to-one environment is what you want, an open one-to-one environment is what you get, Ms Praed."

Footballer holding team mates bum while preparing for a penalty shoot out

"...They must be poor catchers, there's two men behind the plate."

"Have you heard of Murphy's Law 2.0? It's anything that could possibly go wrong often does...as well as a thing or two that couldn't possibly go wrong."

The Art of Bantering!

You'll understand after you see him pitch.

I conduct comprehensive surveys - I ask my girlfriend.

'You reckon we should mosey this guy?'

"I work from home because I can’t stand the sight of idiots." "Is that why you got rid of all our mirrors?"

"Hey Eric. Do you think they're silicone implants?"

You look lovely tonight. It's a good think the coat-check girl let me check my thought balloons. !!

'I'd like an 'Innuendo' please - a big one.'

"I was listening at the door and I overheard the nickname they have for me."

"Let's go bowling and keep on bowling until the people who regulate bowling say it isn't bowling any more!"

'You're looking well.'