Baseball Humorist Gifts

'...The athletic trainer's coming with the WD-40.'

'He hits better against right handed pitching, so pitch left-handed, to him.'

'Nice throw...'

'So much for the question of whether of whether or not a curveball really curves.'

"If a Dodger gets hit by a ball, does he get fired?"

Expansion 2000: The Baton Rouge Ball Boys

"My ultimate sports fantasy is to see a star player request a baseball autographed by the umpire crew."

Before baseball, raccooning enjoyed a brief stint as the national pastime.

'Uh, Uh, Uh! Wipe your feet first.'

Baseball contract signing gloves.

'He looks great in the field, but can he bat?'

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

'Get over it, Brady. Pitchers at this level are expected to get batters out. Randy there gave up eight runs in one inning...'

"...They must be poor catchers, there's two men behind the plate."

'It all started here, in this ballpark. A bench clearing brawl spread into the stands, became a riot, escalating into a national crisis, erupted into regional conflict, and ended in worldwide conflagration... and all because of a beanball.'

'That was just a brushback, Ernie! The next one's going to bean you for sure unless you do as he says and hand over your wallet!'

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Shows Bundt

"Um, not really necessary to cry 'wee, wee, wee!' whenever rounding third."

You're right. He's gonna throw the change-up.

You'll understand after you see him pitch.

Open mike night presents Sadie Cohen. Summer's almost over

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

Punt Cake

Football Chameleon

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

Alternative fielding positions

'Now that's the Group of Death.'

'Oh, and this ringtone is an app that alerts me when a fly ball is headed my way.'

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'