Premier League Banter Fan Gifts

'Oh, the poor dear - he's fallen down again!'

Scottish Football Fan - "...and please Lord, let the result be against the run of play."

'A cheeky red?'

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

"What's a nice girl like you doing in a bubble like this?"

"It evened out, for every free kick they got, we had one against us."

"Why so aloof in here? When you're on base, you yak your ass off with every Yankee in sight."

'Talking of of big tops have you seen the new barmaid at the Green Dragon?'

Footballer holding team mates bum while preparing for a penalty shoot out

"Remember - you have sharp teeth and claws, but he has sarcasm."

"O.K., your mouth may be clean but I'll bet your mind is filthy."

"Is there a humorist in the house?"

'Nobody goes there any more.' - 'It's too crowded.'

"Who are you looking at? Want to kick off, do you?"

Football - How's my Diving?

Can you feel the electricity in the air?...

"Oh no! It's foot 'n' mouth season again."

(Carl's Sports Bar) - 'Hockey Sucks!!' - Although Earl had made good on his dare, it would be weeks before he could eat solid food again.

'Today is. . . Tuesday! We are going. . . on a picnic. . . I am. . . an idiot.'

Propriety

'Out batted, out bowled, out fielded!'

The new heated seats were proving to be just a little too hot for the fans!

"With the pretzels I recommend a hearty burgundy, with the goldfish a blanc de blancs."

"I try to keep my coffee buzz going till the Martini buzz kicks in."

The theraputic quality of the World Cup only comes to the fore with a good xenophobic thrashing of foreigners.

'You have inflammation in both eyes but as far as I can see, there's no information behind them.'

"I'm interested in the debt consolidation package your bank has been advertising...."