Premier League Fan Gifts

David Moyes

Brendan Rodgers and Luis Suarez

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

Football Chameleon

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

Pregnant Cheerleaders,

"Uptight End"

Mohamed Salah

Supermarket - World Cup Specials

Egyptian Football

Womens' bras come in football cup sizes.

'David when we said we would like you to be a role model for us. . .'

Archaeologists discover a football

'I take it tonight's game has been postponed.'

'Now what?!'

'Blimey, boss - that's a bit revolutionary, isn't it?'

"With one wrong turn, Sparky's big adventure became a nightmare."

Spot the fur ball.

'Well it's too bad you're not a black widow like me, Slyvia...'

Jose Mourinho

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

'Okay, men, let's go out and win one for the flipper.'

'Touchdown!'

'No we didn't get high definition TV - the wife dusted the screen.'

'Bad boy! Drop the quarterback! Drop him! Drop!!'

Referee cop.

Red Card - Gold Card.

"Go deep!"

"Jim was a model Dad".

'Sorry, but my dad would make a useless soccer coach: His only ball skil is 'fetch'...'

Hands in same position from birth to death.

Yoga. My goal in yoga is the same as the goal of defensive football players. Bend but don't break.

Football Violence

A well-known poet lives on this street. Building Supplies. I just need one. She authored a prize-winning screenplay. That offensive lineman is a novelist. My journalist friend is rejecting calls from my number. It's frustrating. I just can't escape writer's block.

'And if the scores remain level, you can text the name of the team you want to keep in the tournament.'