England Football Fan Gifts

World Cup - England supporters queue up to return their flags.

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

"England losing from a penalty shootout again!"

Football Chameleon

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

"Do you do temporary ones that last about two weeks?"

Pregnant Cheerleaders,

"Uptight End"

'...I don't like your chances!'

World Cup Fever

Supermarket - World Cup Specials

Archaeologists discover a football

'David when we said we would like you to be a role model for us. . .'

It had been a while, but he had finally come home.

'Now what?!'

'Blimey, boss - that's a bit revolutionary, isn't it?'

'Well it's too bad you're not a black widow like me, Slyvia...'

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

"Depressed, anxious, worried about the future we've had a great deal of this recently...I'd suggest you avoid watching England for a while."

'Okay, men, let's go out and win one for the flipper.'

'Touchdown!'

'No we didn't get high definition TV - the wife dusted the screen.'

"He's in training for the World Cup."

Yoga. My goal in yoga is the same as the goal of defensive football players. Bend but don't break.

A well-known poet lives on this street. Building Supplies. I just need one. She authored a prize-winning screenplay. That offensive lineman is a novelist. My journalist friend is rejecting calls from my number. It's frustrating. I just can't escape writer's block.

'And if the scores remain level, you can text the name of the team you want to keep in the tournament.'

Referee cop.

Football Violence

"Go deep!"

"So, after five glorious weeks, football is coming home!"

Red Card - Gold Card.

'Bad boy! Drop the quarterback! Drop him! Drop!!'

Sports Medicine.

St John's ambulance member "I prefer rugby myself, more blood shed"

'There's nothing in the rules about gloves.'