England Football Fan Pillows

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

Football Chameleon

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

"Do you do temporary ones that last about two weeks?"

Pregnant Cheerleaders,

"Uptight End"

'...I don't like your chances!'

'David when we said we would like you to be a role model for us. . .'

It had been a while, but he had finally come home.

Archaeologists discover a football

'Now what?!'

'Blimey, boss - that's a bit revolutionary, isn't it?'

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

'Okay, men, let's go out and win one for the flipper.'

"Depressed, anxious, worried about the future we've had a great deal of this recently...I'd suggest you avoid watching England for a while."

'Well it's too bad you're not a black widow like me, Slyvia...'

'No we didn't get high definition TV - the wife dusted the screen.'

Football Violence

Red Card - Gold Card.

'Bad boy! Drop the quarterback! Drop him! Drop!!'

"Go deep!"

'And if the scores remain level, you can text the name of the team you want to keep in the tournament.'

Referee cop.

"So, after five glorious weeks, football is coming home!"

St John's ambulance member "I prefer rugby myself, more blood shed"

'There's nothing in the rules about gloves.'