Premier League Fanatic Gifts

Paul Lambert

Football - How's my Diving?

I like the Jets...I guess

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

"England losing from a penalty shootout again!"

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

'Frank built it himself. The last football will fall through the hourglass 10 seconds before the Super Bowl starts.'

"Do you do temporary ones that last about two weeks?"

If nobody had invented graphics

'Originally he was the mascot until we discovered he had a golden foot.'

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

Raheem Sterling

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

'Now that's the Group of Death.'

"I'm not using my jumper as a goalpost, sir, I'm using it as a jumper."

'Yes, Jenny, I know I'm always reminding the team to be good sports, but you really don't have to thank the ref after every call.'

Football

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

Big screen TV.

'Let's throw ball. Running game not working.'

'And at what stage did you realise the ball you were heading was on the TV?'

'Best save I've ever seen.'

This is a great game --- All except for that blimp. It keeps reminding me I've already broken my diet resolution. Pizza. Chips.

"All of a dither as per usual!"

"Next time you score show a little respect and don't spike uncle Frank so hard."

'I told him if he didn't get here quick he'd miss out on all the beer and food.'

Kenny Dalglish

Sport: Crisis in the Real Madrid.

"It's World Cup Soccer, Tia Carmen. The U.S. vs England."

'Oi, nobody gives me a kiss.'

"This crucial pre-game drill keeps you focused and eliminates distractions!"

'My ultimate goal is to do product promo in a popular Super Bowl T.V ad.'

'I've never seen so many strikers in one team before.'

'I got a reverse hat trick. I let three goals in.'