Fanatical Footballer Gifts

"It's just that they usually ask for their ASHES to be scattered!"

I like the Jets...I guess

Mr. Metamorphosis: "At least this better than waking up as a cockroach."

Tennis fans queuing at Wimbledon.

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

Go team!

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

'They were hoping to gradually introduce him to the pro game, but injuries left them no choice.'

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

Radar Gun Readings at Baseball Stadium

'Originally he was the mascot until we discovered he had a golden foot.'

'Will you lot come out! - the new kit's not that bad!'

"Do you do temporary ones that last about two weeks?"

"The Bruins are down a goal. Do me a favor: Pretend you’re a Boston terrier."

If nobody had invented graphics

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

Football

Alternative fielding positions

'Yes, Jenny, I know I'm always reminding the team to be good sports, but you really don't have to thank the ref after every call.'

"I'm not using my jumper as a goalpost, sir, I'm using it as a jumper."

'Did you want to bring on a sub'

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

Big screen TV.

'Let's throw ball. Running game not working.'

"Ok, Ok! The ball wasn't out!"

'And at what stage did you realise the ball you were heading was on the TV?'

'Best save I've ever seen.'