Fanatical Footballer Gifts

"It's just that they usually ask for their ASHES to be scattered!"

I like the Jets...I guess

'Wow! That was some world series, Ella! Both Pujols and Holland were just amazing...'

Mr. Metamorphosis: "At least this better than waking up as a cockroach."

Tennis fans queuing at Wimbledon.

Bowled over again!

'They were hoping to gradually introduce him to the pro game, but injuries left them no choice.'

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

"England losing from a penalty shootout again!"

Go team!

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

Radar Gun Readings at Baseball Stadium

'Frank built it himself. The last football will fall through the hourglass 10 seconds before the Super Bowl starts.'

"Do you do temporary ones that last about two weeks?"

"The Bruins are down a goal. Do me a favor: Pretend you’re a Boston terrier."

'Originally he was the mascot until we discovered he had a golden foot.'

'Will you lot come out! - the new kit's not that bad!'

If nobody had invented graphics

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

"I'm not using my jumper as a goalpost, sir, I'm using it as a jumper."

Raheem Sterling

'Did you want to bring on a sub'

'Yes, Jenny, I know I'm always reminding the team to be good sports, but you really don't have to thank the ref after every call.'

Football

'Now that's the Group of Death.'

350 Feet.

Alternative fielding positions

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

Big screen TV.

'Let's throw ball. Running game not working.'

'And at what stage did you realise the ball you were heading was on the TV?'

'Best save I've ever seen.'