Fine Dodger Gifts

I thought it would be a good idea if we reflected on the past year...here are your photo radar tickets.

"Mr. Crusoe, you have some heft overdue fines."

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

"No luggage to check - I just have this carry on."

'Don't worry. They say the first 24 months of living in a house during remodeling are the hardest.'

Fear of news.

"Regular service or affected?"

"No, my consomme was perfect, but my husbands calamari is a little underdone."

Private Viewing

'How would you like that? Medium, rare, or wrapped in plastic on a foam tray?'

"Aperitif?"

"Perhaps I'm asking too much of you in the way of companionship."

'Waiter, you seem to have mixed my bill up with somebody who wants to buy this restaurant.'

'For sheer elegance you can't beat the black hole entropy formula.'

Tell me the truth. Do you think my signature is logo-esque?

Lunch

'I've found taking a sip of another table's wine is an effective conversation starter.'

Man trying to catch a saxophonist with butterfly wings.

"Baldo, I appreciate your hard work...and your eagerness to complete your chores quickly. But next time...don't blow the leaves while I'm painting."

"Son, I’d say the ACL tear is the least of your problems."

"How do I turn off my camera so no one stares?"

"I'm sending it back. This doesn't taste funny at all."

Bureaucracy (Murphy's law)

"Can you send me a text so I can use it as a ruse to get out of this conversation?"

"You say you have a medical malpractice case?"

'You always have an excuse when it's your turn to buy the drinks.'

Cowboy posting notices saying WANTED...FOR FLYPOSTING

"Sorry, dear, but vowing NOT to climb Mount Everest this year isn't a valid New Year's resolution."

'Sir, one waiter is enough to bring the meals, but it takes two to carry the bill.'

"If you order that, you will impress me."

"If I'm billing six hundred dollars an hour, lunch just cost me $ 638.75."

Bob worked hard to avoid the spotlight.