Line Dodger Gifts

Bureaucracy (Murphy's law)

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

'No, I'm not stranded. This is the only place I could find that has no distractions.'

"I think before we begin to address me, we need to talk about the clown in the room."

Fear of news.

'He's kind of a rescue dog. He points to where the hardest work is, so that I can run into the opposite direction!'

"When you hear me begin talking about our lousy sales figures, you guys create a distraction."

While you were out...

'Maybe I haven't made myself clear enough. I really don't want to be disturbed today!'

Gentlemen, I'm off to join the circus

Also I don't like coffee, so I'll be working through my coffee breaks.

"How do I turn off my camera so no one stares?"

'Roy! Over here! This line is way shorter.'

'It's just a recliner with built-in heart rate monitor. But look at how many big inflatable balls are sold as exercise equipment.'

"I don't get it. I hired him to workout for me every day, and I still haven't lost any weight."

'Yeah, Kirby, it hurts like hell, but dang if I can't stop wigglin' it.'

"Are you listening to me?"

'We see a lot of carpal tunnel syndrome caused by repetitious pushing of the tv mute button during the political ad season.'

Pinocchio's autopsy - "Right about here he started cutting gym class."

'If you don't stop interrupting me with your phone calls, we're never going to finish our face to face meeting.'

How caffeine interacts with human brain cells.

"We also offer a plan where you just post pictures and skip the exercise."

'Do you mind? I'm trying to read.'

Lucky Break

'Is there any way I can keep on all this weight and still enter the Pro Football Hall of Fame?'

'I don't need to go to a gym. One of my classroom management strategies is to circulate frequently around the room. I figure I walk three miles a day.'

Bob worked hard to avoid the spotlight.

"This is my exercise routine, and this is my routine to avoid that exercise routine."

Walk right in. Sit right down.

'Hey, we have one of those. You hang your laundry on it.'

Slimming Club: New Members Entry.

"Must...not gaze into...his eye! For I may...never break free!"

Still going in circles. 'Told you so.'