Communication Dodger Gifts

"I hate calling her—she always picks up."

"If it's the reedy, gurgling 'cut-cut-turrrrr' of the long-billed marsh wren, I'm not here."

Snooze buttons for cat owners

'He's kind of a rescue dog. He points to where the hardest work is, so that I can run into the opposite direction!'

"Hello?"

"I was just ringing to see if you got the e-mail about the letter I sent you?"

'officially, I'm on leave, but I'm really just ducking the media.'

IN, OUT, NOT WORTH THE EFFORT

Melvin would go to any lengths to get away from McDonald's advertising...

"Isn't this so much better without our devices?"

'I needed some relief from data overload.'

'It's for you.'

Trying to come up with yet another password...

'Cheer up, Mr. Laping. It's only until the fishing season is over.'

Trapeze artists.

"You're suffering from banner blindness."

'That's why your checkbook balance looks so good. You sent all of your online bills to the junk file.'

"If you wouldn't book hotels with such great amenities, I wouldn't miss so many seminars."

'Darling, I've just deleted the computer,'

"Must...not gaze into...his eye! For I may...never break free!"

"So I'm thinking...why bother with all the junk mail?"

"If this meeting becomes too heated, we'll create a distraction...like running out the door."

"We interrupt this endless stream of mind-numbing adverts to bring you a TV programme..."

Cone of Silence

'Great news! Your father's got a job.'

"Bad news...you don't have a deadly disease. You've got to go back to work."

"I really should call my mother — I just don’t want to talk to her."

"What's to prevent some total stranger anywhere on the world from paying my bills."

Other Walks of Shame

"Please go to voicemail...please go to voice...Oh Hi...so glad I caught you!"

"I refuse to read the safety manual. Last time I tried, it gave me a severe papercut!"

"An office job would drive me crazy!...sitting at a desk all day!"

"...You caught me at a bad time. I accidentally picked up the phone instead of letting voicemail answer it."

'Wait...Sir...It's customary to pay for services when rendered!'

"Sorry, Cruz, I flunked my history test...and now I'm grounded."