Communication Dodger T-Shirts

"I hate calling her—she always picks up."

"If it's the reedy, gurgling 'cut-cut-turrrrr' of the long-billed marsh wren, I'm not here."

Snooze buttons for cat owners

'He's kind of a rescue dog. He points to where the hardest work is, so that I can run into the opposite direction!'

Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, brother? My wife doesn't have a job. The other night she told me it'd be nice if I helped out a little more at home. So I replied "hey, I don't ask you to come to my place of business and do my job for me." I see. Have you tried the "act like I never said it and wait for her to forget it" routine? Yes, sir. I also, tried the "don't-make-eye-contact-until-she-forgets-it" maneuver. I'm running out of ideas.

"Hello?"

"I was just ringing to see if you got the e-mail about the letter I sent you?"

'officially, I'm on leave, but I'm really just ducking the media.'

"Isn't this so much better without our devices?"

IN, OUT, NOT WORTH THE EFFORT

Melvin would go to any lengths to get away from McDonald's advertising...

Trying to come up with yet another password...

'I needed some relief from data overload.'

'It's for you.'

'Cheer up, Mr. Laping. It's only until the fishing season is over.'

"You're suffering from banner blindness."

'That's why your checkbook balance looks so good. You sent all of your online bills to the junk file.'

Trapeze artists.

"If you wouldn't book hotels with such great amenities, I wouldn't miss so many seminars."

'Darling, I've just deleted the computer,'

"Must...not gaze into...his eye! For I may...never break free!"

"There! That looks better."

"So I'm thinking...why bother with all the junk mail?"

"If this meeting becomes too heated, we'll create a distraction...like running out the door."

Cone of Silence

"We interrupt this endless stream of mind-numbing adverts to bring you a TV programme..."

"What's to prevent some total stranger anywhere on the world from paying my bills."

"Bad news...you don't have a deadly disease. You've got to go back to work."

'Great news! Your father's got a job.'

"I really should call my mother — I just don’t want to talk to her."

Other Walks of Shame

"Please go to voicemail...please go to voice...Oh Hi...so glad I caught you!"

"I refuse to read the safety manual. Last time I tried, it gave me a severe papercut!"

"An office job would drive me crazy!...sitting at a desk all day!"

"Sorry, Cruz, I flunked my history test...and now I'm grounded."