System Dodger Gifts

'I've always gotten pleasure cheating on my income tax, but the creme de la creme is cheating via electronic filing.'

'He's kind of a rescue dog. He points to where the hardest work is, so that I can run into the opposite direction!'

"I don't feel like going to school. Isn't that a flu-like symptom?"

Mary had a little spam

'Ptuwah! This is tap water!'

'It's just a recliner with built-in heart rate monitor. But look at how many big inflatable balls are sold as exercise equipment.'

"Isn't this so much better without our devices?"

"I don't get it. I hired him to workout for me every day, and I still haven't lost any weight."

'I needed some relief from data overload.'

Spiro & Pusho watching TV whilst on a hike.

Trying to come up with yet another password...

Pinocchio's autopsy - "Right about here he started cutting gym class."

'That's why your checkbook balance looks so good. You sent all of your online bills to the junk file.'

"We also offer a plan where you just post pictures and skip the exercise."

'Is there any way I can keep on all this weight and still enter the Pro Football Hall of Fame?'

How caffeine interacts with human brain cells.

'I don't need to go to a gym. One of my classroom management strategies is to circulate frequently around the room. I figure I walk three miles a day.'

'Darling, I've just deleted the computer,'

"Do you have a moment to be late for something you just made up?"

'Now I know why they call you Cinderella... You're always running away from the ball.'

Winter depression.

'I think I'm going to have to hide the bathroom scale from your mother.'

'Hey, we have one of those. You hang your laundry on it.'

Walk right in. Sit right down.

Slimming Club: New Members Entry.

"This is my exercise routine, and this is my routine to avoid that exercise routine."

'Great news! Your father's got a job.'

"Bad news...you don't have a deadly disease. You've got to go back to work."

"What's to prevent some total stranger anywhere on the world from paying my bills."

"I refuse to read the safety manual. Last time I tried, it gave me a severe papercut!"

Don't tax me, bro

L-L-L-L-Lobster Face!