Fine Dodger Pillows

I thought it would be a good idea if we reflected on the past year...here are your photo radar tickets.

"Mr. Crusoe, you have some heft overdue fines."

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

"No luggage to check - I just have this carry on."

'Don't worry. They say the first 24 months of living in a house during remodeling are the hardest.'

Fear of news.

"Regular service or affected?"

"No, my consomme was perfect, but my husbands calamari is a little underdone."

Private Viewing

'How would you like that? Medium, rare, or wrapped in plastic on a foam tray?'

"Aperitif?"

"Perhaps I'm asking too much of you in the way of companionship."

'Waiter, you seem to have mixed my bill up with somebody who wants to buy this restaurant.'

Lunch

'I've found taking a sip of another table's wine is an effective conversation starter.'

Tell me the truth. Do you think my signature is logo-esque?

'For sheer elegance you can't beat the black hole entropy formula.'

Man trying to catch a saxophonist with butterfly wings.

"Baldo, I appreciate your hard work...and your eagerness to complete your chores quickly. But next time...don't blow the leaves while I'm painting."

"How do I turn off my camera so no one stares?"

"Son, I’d say the ACL tear is the least of your problems."

"Scratching the infected area will only make it worse, Mr Bonaparte!"

Chez Ritzo. Yes, I would like an after dinner mint - I need one to pay this check.

Bureaucracy (Murphy's law)

"Can you send me a text so I can use it as a ruse to get out of this conversation?"

"I'm sending it back. This doesn't taste funny at all."

"You say you have a medical malpractice case?"

Personnel. The gap in my resume is when I got turned out on my back for six months.

"If you don't want to know the result of the united game then look away now"

Cowboy posting notices saying WANTED...FOR FLYPOSTING

"We're not celebrities, and we don't want to get out of here..."

"Sorry, dear, but vowing NOT to climb Mount Everest this year isn't a valid New Year's resolution."

'Sir, one waiter is enough to bring the meals, but it takes two to carry the bill.'

"If you order that, you will impress me."

"If I'm billing six hundred dollars an hour, lunch just cost me $ 638.75."