Headline Dodger Pillows

Fear of news.

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

"When you hear me begin talking about our lousy sales figures, you guys create a distraction."

'Now,they're going to teach you to talk, but remember, after you learn how.stay away from religion or politics.'

"For the last time - do not call me when I'm pretending to work."

"Knowing two languages is sure handy when telemarketers call."

'officially, I'm on leave, but I'm really just ducking the media.'

"How do I turn off my camera so no one stares?"

"I think I'll pass - I'm having a really bad-nose day."

'I find the easiest way to expand my vocabulary is to make up words.'

"Arithmetic doesn't agree with me."

"Can you send me a text so I can use it as a ruse to get out of this conversation?"

"I've had custom reading glasses made that blot out the words 'brexit' and 'royal.'"

Bureaucracy (Murphy's law)

"Sorry, I'm afraid he can't come to the phone right now."

'I gained about two hours a day. I gave up the New York Times.'

'No need to put my details in darlin'... You're the girl for me!'

'The person you called may be toying with the olive in her cocktail, please try again later.'

"If you don't wish to hear the match result look away now."

"If it's the ice princess, I'm not here."

Personnel. The gap in my resume is when I got turned out on my back for six months.

"If you don't want to know the result of the united game then look away now"

"This is definitely the last time for Chapter Seventeen!"

Bob worked hard to avoid the spotlight.

'Does the Fifth Amendment apply to report cards?'

'That's it, Darlene -- conserve your energy for the final lap! Stay right in her draft!'

"I'm had a miserable day, so I'd appreciate it if neither of you mention politics, wildfires or COVID."

"If that's for me, tell them I'm in a meeting."

"So I'm thinking...why bother with all the junk mail?"

'I know, but I still hate Mondays.'

Cone of Silence

'I'm eating right now. Can you call me back when I'm not eating?'

"Hey, can I call you back in about a nap and a half?"

Ring. If that me calling, I'm obviously not here.

'I found I'm able to maintain my disposition by not watching any economic or employment news.'