Report Card Dodger Pillows

"Arithmetic doesn't agree with me."

'Does the Fifth Amendment apply to report cards?'

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

"I don't want a G.O.A.T, I want a S.C.A.P.E.G.O.A.T."

'I hope I run out of money before I flunk out.'

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

Fear of news.

I'm writing the Great American novel, one bill at a time.

Scapegoat of the Year

'When I turned 18 something started happening to me every month. I started receiving a credit card bill.'

"I'm taking 'moving back in with the parents' studies."

"If you miss a payment, we show up and embarrass you in front of your friends."

Hear me, Graduates!

"When you hear me begin talking about our lousy sales figures, you guys create a distraction."

'We are in a race against time and the auditors. Gentlemen...start your shredders!'

"I know it's not in our nature, but we really gotta stop charging everything."

"Congratulations. Please remember the college's financial plight. Congratulations. Please remember the college's financial plight. Congratulations. Please remember . . ."

'So, who's first?'

Kicking The Habit

'It will take all my nine lives to pay off my student loans.'

It's an I-O-Ewe.

"Whoops! There go those darned interest rates again!"

'Financial suicide hotline. How may I help you?'

"I can help you get your finances back in shape – you've just got to believe in me."

'Hello, Ma'am. I'm a college graduate selling vacuum cleaners door to door to help pay for the fortune I borrowed to take a course that had nothing to do with selling vacuums... and how are you doing?'

'We had a white Christmas but we'll be in the red until April.'

"Son, I’d say the ACL tear is the least of your problems."

'Money doesn't have wings, feet or wings. My dad says that nevertheless, it disappears with the speed of light.'

Tax grab.

Don't laugh, my house is paid for.

FIRST NATIONAL BANK OF, 'It's official, sir - EVERYBODY'S overdrawn!'

And your repayment period starts...Now!

Gone for Broke College