Round Dodger Gifts

'You always have an excuse when it's your turn to buy the drinks.'

'I thought it was your round.' 'It was, but I'm trying to get in touch with my feminine side.'

'I thought this was your round.' 'It was, but I'm trying to get in touch with my feminine side.'

'He's kind of a rescue dog. He points to where the hardest work is, so that I can run into the opposite direction!'

Private Viewing

Tell me the truth. Do you think my signature is logo-esque?

'For sheer elegance you can't beat the black hole entropy formula.'

Gentlemen, I'm off to join the circus

Man trying to catch a saxophonist with butterfly wings.

"Isn't this so much better without our devices?"

"Baldo, I appreciate your hard work...and your eagerness to complete your chores quickly. But next time...don't blow the leaves while I'm painting."

Sleeping through new year celebrations

"Mr. Crusoe, you have some heft overdue fines."

'No slapping, Wilson! We don't start full-contact drills until tomorrow!'

"He's agreed to take the cruise, but no damn bunnyhopping!"

Spring Damage.

Man ignores DIY book and instead reads book entitled: 'Get someone else to do it'.

"If they find out I'm a flight attendant pretend a heart attack so we can leave early."

Why men hate shopping.

"A high-powered career, a happy family, a big beautiful house: my dream is to avoid it all."

"You say you have a medical malpractice case?"

Cowboy posting notices saying WANTED...FOR FLYPOSTING

'The poor lamb's having a rest, Mum, exhausted after putting a new toilet roll on the holder...'

'Now I know why they call you Cinderella... You're always running away from the ball.'

'I started out as a sculptor, but I kept hitting my thumb.'

Leaking Art

'I know I shouldn't bite, but I keep thinking about that poor slob up there...hot, tired, hungry...'

'I think I'm going to have to hide the bathroom scale from your mother.'

'That was a test of our school's emergency broadcasting system. If this were a real emergency, you would have been asked not to talk to reporters.'

THERE IS A MOUSE IN THE HOUSE... WHERE IS THE CAT?

"... Oh, he's the fastest in the west alright... The fastest out of the saloon when it's his round!"

Fish using a metal detector to avoid fishing hooks.

"Bad news...you don't have a deadly disease. You've got to go back to work."

'Great news! Your father's got a job.'

A Man Hides From His Dance Partner At A Ball.