Film Festival Gifts

Goldilocks at Sundance.

Computer wheeled down red carpet at film premiere. TV presenter says: 'Now, at last, here comes the real star of the movie!'

"You can tell it's a period drama because they're not wearing ozone helmets."

'CHICK-FLICK' MALE LEAD CHARACTER ARC.

"Bloody hell!"

"OK, stop me if you've never heard this before!"

"I'm very proud. Someone I've been stalking has been nominated for an Academy Award."

Now showing, the Monster from Space.

"Hello. I'm director Bob ('Blue Fires') Munsey and this is screenwriter Doris ('Highway to Nowhere') Winslow."

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

"But it makes you feel like you're right there."

Cannes Film Festival Heels Controversy

King Kong

Movies through the decades.

Daniel Day Lewis

Script/Director/Producer/Decency Panel.

"For your enjoyment: Please turn off electronic devices, close your eyes, and cover your ears."

Rialto: a brief respite between the summer deluge of bottom-feeder crap and the winter deluge of upscale crap

"It's touching, actually, to see white dudes fumble around for a few last moments in the spotlight."

"Not fair! Being really into movies is my thing!"

'My agent told me to bring some arm candy.'

'The funniest movie I have been paid to promote.'

Leslie Caron.

Animation Film Festival. Great, now I have a toon stuck in my head.

This side is the gag reel.

Cinema. I won't tell you what happens, but there's a great twist at the end.

"Can we do that again tomorrow night?"

Pete Townshend Vineyards

"Guess who brought king cake!"

Mardi Gras

Face painting.

Cimafunk

"Meet the author"

"It's not a party until someone gets plowed."

Bacchus.