Film Festival Fan Gifts

Outskirts of town with sign: 'Entering Centerville - a town without a film festival.'

Movie Awards. That movie always comes alone and never stays for the after-party. It's an independent film.

I know I'm not qualified for the job, but watch my incredible video resume anyway. It got an Honorable Mention at Cannes!

Adult Courses. It's so hard keeping the information from different classes separate! I'm talking film history and psychology. I failed a test because I said a "psychopath" is the walkway Norman Bates took home. I also confused geography and aeronautics. I said the "great plains" are located at an Air Force testing base in the California desert. My worst nightmare was confusing the thinks ti learned in driver's education and statistics. But at least I now know it's driving where you must st

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

'It's good - but it's not digital quality.'

Tennis fans queuing at Wimbledon.

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

"We just watched a hypermovie!"

Leslie Caron.

"Would you sit and watch a 12 hour movie?"

'Okay, folks, that's a wrap!'

"It turns out that if you give a hundred monkeys a hundred typewriters, eventually they'll turn out the work of Tarantino."

I DATED A GUY FROM THE FAIR, BUT . . .

"Bloody hell!"

"He's got lifeless eyes. Black eyes...like a DOLL'S EYES!!"

"Werewolves of London..."

What's an Imax cave?

Film Festival. Events. Screenings. Ernie attends these festivals in costume. He's gone over to the dork side!

"That was totally....what's the word I'm looking for?"

'I'm sending another scam email requesting money to help free Willy...'

"Free Bird!"

Giant slug attacks a city

'...And now, the film most criticized for eroding traditional family values, the nominees are...'

This side is the gag reel.

Pearly King and Queen

"You can tell it's a period drama because they're not wearing ozone helmets."

Liam Gallagher.

"OK, stop me if you've never heard this before!"

"Not fair! Being really into movies is my thing!"

"Haven't you already seen this movie, like, a hundred times?"

"My favourite movie is Mrs Fire, without doubt."

Star Wars Audience

"Oooh. . . I've got sand under my wrappings and it's so itchy. . !!"