Festival Filmmaker Gifts

'Congratulations. All but one of you has been short listed.'

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

"Bloody hell!"

'...And now, the film most criticized for eroding traditional family values, the nominees are...'

Dr. Frankenstein creates his newest monster, Frankenmime.

"OK, stop me if you've never heard this before!"

Now Playing at the Europlex

"Not fair! Being really into movies is my thing!"

Crocodile

Kirsten Johnson

Police film evidence

"It's touching, actually, to see white dudes fumble around for a few last moments in the spotlight."

"Mom! Kathy's feeding her liver to the dog! Want to see the video?"

Script/Director/Producer/Decency Panel.

A father films his family while imagining himself as a director

"Hello. I'm director Bob ('Blue Fires') Munsey and this is screenwriter Doris ('Highway to Nowhere') Winslow."

Computer wheeled down red carpet at film premiere. TV presenter says: 'Now, at last, here comes the real star of the movie!'

Movies through the decades.

I know I'm not qualified for the job, but watch my incredible video resume anyway. It got an Honorable Mention at Cannes!

"What I did on my summer vacation and how I optioned it to Miramax..."

Outskirts of town with sign: 'Entering Centerville - a town without a film festival.'

'I still say these shots need more action.'

'Hold it - someone's filming this without permission!'

'If whales are so intelligent, why do they swim near Japan?'

"Those pervs from the nature channel are filming us again."

"They say she's gone completely Sundance."