File Fixer Gifts

'I told him over and over again never to press 'delete' more than twice!'

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

boy plugging leak in a barrel with his finger

Airline Debts: Layoffs to help us stay afloat.

'I am willing to concede that the company has been underperforming of late...'

'Before you come with me, tell me...does this robe look a little rumpled to you? I don't think the dry cleaners got the creases out, do you?'

"I hoped you'd change your hobby when you became a father"

"It's not just him. The whole system's down."

Waiting for Pants

Delivering red ink to the Berueu of Management and Budget.

Forgot your locker combination? Let Sammy the weasel pick it open for you!

"We probably need to rethink our revenue strategy for the practice."

"Post-holiday dieting will be much easier this year. Our disposable cash flow will be diverted."

"It got so bad that had to bring Jones in to turn things around."

System failure - calling for sysadmin...

'Of course we can fix your sweater but we'll have to contact the sheep to match the wool!'

'Let me tell you why I'm here...'

"Well there it is in black and white gentlemen, we're in the red."

"Get back here and clean out your desk."

'Bob will be with you in a moment. He's cleaning the filter to the wine-aroma-judging-device attached to his face.'

Son? We need to talk about inappropriate life choices. I was joking. I'm not going to be an investment banker. Great! I'd hate to see you waste your talents. There are plenty of other jobs. Like the fixer who disappears famous athletes' awkward e-mails. You'll always be employed.

It's too hard to clean my closet. Take out everything. Throw them into "keep", "donate" or "toss" boxes. Ok. Done!

"They call you Abominable and me a monster, and they don't even know us."

Cyber disease.

"It's time to break up the company!!"

"It ain't pretty. You got a bad flap-valve leak, and your tenor drones are all gunked up. It'll be a week at least, IF I can get the parts. I do got a loaner, but she ain't much."

"It's quite alright searching for the perfect phone. But remember there always will be upgrades."

'Agreed then? Your boy takes a dive in the fifth...'

'He was a darn fine mechanic.'

'Is the drain still clogged, Henry?'

'Hello, Biggo Farm Equipment? How much longer is it going to take to get my manure spreader fixed?'

"You've come to the right lawyer. I not only do divorces, I also specialise in bankruptcy proceedings."

Young Roger Penrose: 'Dad, I want to become a floor tiler.'

"Baldo, you've been at that all day! I thought you said you can fix this thing 15 minutes!"

"The problem with our marriage is that we can't afford marriage counselling."