Problem Fixer Gifts

Forgot your locker combination? Let Sammy the weasel pick it open for you!

'Is the drain still clogged, Henry?'

Boy with his finger in a leaking water bed.

Man bangs on a malfunctioning bathroom mirror to get his reflection to show.

'You have 90 days to fix the problem, or we'll fix it, and mail you the bill!'

Airline Debts: Layoffs to help us stay afloat.

'I am willing to concede that the company has been underperforming of late...'

"Don’t you eyeball me, Ed! That’s right, look down at the table. Only technicians who remember to back up the data can look at me! And if you start to cry I will fire you!"

"See this area right here, honey? This is why we need to find someone who knows what they're doing."

"I take it the toilet is fixed?"

'Incredibly Inexpensive Sound Engineers. Pretty Good Sound Engineers, 12 the price, 23 the quality. You'll hardly notice the occasional feedback.'

"Fido's determined to find that bone."

His verbal skills are developing, but his motor skills are very advanced. (Originally published on 2009-02-01).

Delivering red ink to the Berueu of Management and Budget.

Enlightened Cursing

Not all service desk staff were pleased about the new bring your own device policy

"We probably need to rethink our revenue strategy for the practice."

"Dad needs a Phillips screwdriver. Who's Phillip?"

'Oh silly me, I'm trying to fix my glasses with nasel spray instead of super-glue!'

"Post-holiday dieting will be much easier this year. Our disposable cash flow will be diverted."

'Dad, perhaps the fan should suck instead of blow?'

System failure - calling for sysadmin...

"It got so bad that had to bring Jones in to turn things around."

'Let me tell you why I'm here...'

Son? We need to talk about inappropriate life choices. I was joking. I'm not going to be an investment banker. Great! I'd hate to see you waste your talents. There are plenty of other jobs. Like the fixer who disappears famous athletes' awkward e-mails. You'll always be employed.

"Get back here and clean out your desk."

Cyber disease.

"We will indeed be facing numerous enraged customers."

"Kick the machine"

"It's quite alright searching for the perfect phone. But remember there always will be upgrades."

'Try rebooting.'

"You've come to the right lawyer. I not only do divorces, I also specialise in bankruptcy proceedings."

'Hello, Biggo Farm Equipment? How much longer is it going to take to get my manure spreader fixed?'

"Have you tried switching it off and switching it back on again - or pretending there's absolutely nothing wrong with it?"

"The problem with our marriage is that we can't afford marriage counselling."