Phone Fixer Gifts

"It's quite alright searching for the perfect phone. But remember there always will be upgrades."

Airline Debts: Layoffs to help us stay afloat.

'I am willing to concede that the company has been underperforming of late...'

"Don’t you eyeball me, Ed! That’s right, look down at the table. Only technicians who remember to back up the data can look at me! And if you start to cry I will fire you!"

"It's not just him. The whole system's down."

"I take it the toilet is fixed?"

'Incredibly Inexpensive Sound Engineers. Pretty Good Sound Engineers, 12 the price, 23 the quality. You'll hardly notice the occasional feedback.'

Delivering red ink to the Berueu of Management and Budget.

Forgot your locker combination? Let Sammy the weasel pick it open for you!

"That vulture just appeared and started picking at my phone. My battery must have died."

"Yes, we do fix phones. But, what is that?"

Not all service desk staff were pleased about the new bring your own device policy

"We probably need to rethink our revenue strategy for the practice."

'I told him over and over again never to press 'delete' more than twice!'

"Post-holiday dieting will be much easier this year. Our disposable cash flow will be diverted."

'Dad, perhaps the fan should suck instead of blow?'

"It got so bad that had to bring Jones in to turn things around."

'Let me tell you why I'm here...'

'Every time a phone dies, he buries it.'

Son? We need to talk about inappropriate life choices. I was joking. I'm not going to be an investment banker. Great! I'd hate to see you waste your talents. There are plenty of other jobs. Like the fixer who disappears famous athletes' awkward e-mails. You'll always be employed.

"Get back here and clean out your desk."

Cyber disease.

'Try rebooting.'

Marriage counselor clients: 'Always right,,,never wrong'

Call before you dig!

"You've come to the right lawyer. I not only do divorces, I also specialise in bankruptcy proceedings."

'Is the drain still clogged, Henry?'

Young Roger Penrose: 'Dad, I want to become a floor tiler.'

Leaking washing machine.

"You were right, dear, slippers, shiny floor and a grouting gun don't mix."

'You've done a fine job throwing money at problems, Senator, but I think it's time to bring in a reliever.'

"The problem with our marriage is that we can't afford marriage counselling."

"Have you tried switching it off and switching it back on again - or pretending there's absolutely nothing wrong with it?"

Menu. Will you do it? It'll cost you -- Two lattes. Fine. Just do it. Ok, stand back. You stupid #*& phone. Stop disconnecting my calls, you #*&% jerk! It needed doing, but I couldn't yell at my own phone. That felt wonderful.

"Dad, my doorknob broke...can you fix it?"