System Fixer Gifts

"Have you tried switching it off and switching it back on again - or pretending there's absolutely nothing wrong with it?"

'That's one way to 'shut down' the system...'

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

"Don’t you eyeball me, Ed! That’s right, look down at the table. Only technicians who remember to back up the data can look at me! And if you start to cry I will fire you!"

'Well, the good news is; You won't need to tax and insure it.'

"It's not just him. The whole system's down."

"I take it the toilet is fixed?"

His verbal skills are developing, but his motor skills are very advanced. (Originally published on 2009-02-01).

"Fido's determined to find that bone."

Computer operator welding machine.

Forgot your locker combination? Let Sammy the weasel pick it open for you!

Not all service desk staff were pleased about the new bring your own device policy

Does it spark joy?

'I told him over and over again never to press 'delete' more than twice!'

System failure - calling for sysadmin...

'Dad, perhaps the fan should suck instead of blow?'

Son? We need to talk about inappropriate life choices. I was joking. I'm not going to be an investment banker. Great! I'd hate to see you waste your talents. There are plenty of other jobs. Like the fixer who disappears famous athletes' awkward e-mails. You'll always be employed.

'Bob will be with you in a moment. He's cleaning the filter to the wine-aroma-judging-device attached to his face.'

Justice Imbalance

Cyber disease.

"It's quite alright searching for the perfect phone. But remember there always will be upgrades."

Crony Capitalism (Always Follow the Money Trail)

Changing the Man in Charge Doesn't Change the System

'Try rebooting.'

Marriage counselor clients: 'Always right,,,never wrong'

'Is the drain still clogged, Henry?'

'Hello, Biggo Farm Equipment? How much longer is it going to take to get my manure spreader fixed?'

"Dad, my doorknob broke...can you fix it?"

'Freezer is on the blink.'

To continue with tech support, you must be in front of your computer and have a soldering iron, a voltmeter and a circuit tester available.

Hospital - Guide to wars: NHS Offensive, Battle for NHS, Fight against closures.

Leaking washing machine.

'Look, Doctor. I just want him cured. I'm not interested in what's wrong with him, so skip the lab work."

'I don't think we could throw the baby out with the bathwater if we tried.'

'When you're done fixing the furnace, could you gather up these Demons From Hell that escaped?'