Fishy Fixer Gifts

"That's really great , but what do you do if you want to remove the nail?"

Christmas tree with wadded up lights.

'Before you come with me, tell me...does this robe look a little rumpled to you? I don't think the dry cleaners got the creases out, do you?'

Waiting for Pants

"Whoa. There's a huge crack down here." "Tell me about it."

"Fido's determined to find that bone."

'Still workin' on the beard, Jerry?'

'I told him over and over again never to press 'delete' more than twice!'

'Of course we can fix your sweater but we'll have to contact the sheep to match the wool!'

'Bob will be with you in a moment. He's cleaning the filter to the wine-aroma-judging-device attached to his face.'

The Hudson River School of Art.

Son? We need to talk about inappropriate life choices. I was joking. I'm not going to be an investment banker. Great! I'd hate to see you waste your talents. There are plenty of other jobs. Like the fixer who disappears famous athletes' awkward e-mails. You'll always be employed.

It's too hard to clean my closet. Take out everything. Throw them into "keep", "donate" or "toss" boxes. Ok. Done!

'Yes, I've removed lots of fish-hooks from dogs...'

"Kick the machine"

"Dad, I'll assemble yours if you assemble mine."

'They can be a real menace at this time of year.'

'I like to give them a sporting chance.'

"Tell Santa that Rudolph's check engine light is on."

'Maybe you could get dressed faster if you lost that speed bump around your waist.'

Jester.

Cardiology

Clockdown

"Darling - I can't seem to find the invisible menders..."

'No, you're the plumber, you go and check how bad the leak is.'

'I guess it's official now. No one in this town actually makes anything anymore.'

Despite being dumped by his girlfriend on Christmas Eve, Norman still found a way to pull the crackers despite her absence.

Stitches.

Boss, someone called The Fixer is here to see you. Excellent. Go out and tell him I want him to teach you everything he knows. I don't see why I should have to keep paying him when I've got my very own minion. Pay extra attention to the issue vague threats to shut down lawsuits part. If he asks why I didn't fire him myself, you tell him I've moved to Botswana. Very bad man.

'The fishermen are taking a photo of him: Typical Bill, he's making a face...'

"Did you call someone to come test for margarine residue in the refrigerator?"

Tailor Shop. Repairs. Alterations. You're a tailor who fixes torn pants?! When we met in the bar you said you were a genetic engineer! No, I said I do "jean splicing"!

'It says right here in the ingredients, 'this product contains no yucky stuff'.'

Holy Mackerel

"You gotta admit, it's straight now."