Festive Season Satirist Gifts

"It's not that I can't stand the cold - I just hate the holidays."

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

"No, Doris, not implants!"

Santa Claus You Are Welcome.

"I love November - the crunch of leaves underfoot... the crisp air... the holiday markets..." "... it getting dark by mid-afternoon..." "Okay, that's less enjoyable."

"Of course, I'm willing to negotiate. . ."

"We're freaky February hares, the mad march ones have vanished due to global warming."

Help! Have to pay back a big world bank loan.

Futile Little Snow Shoveler Guy Snow Globe

Dollar Sign Christmas Tree.

Pre-Winter Ennui-'Hon, did you have the furnace checked?'

"If you want to play fetch with the dog, throw your own @#&% arm."

"I love this time of year."

'It's a snow mobile.'

"UK government aren’t budging boss. Sole supplier or not under the new procurement regulations our new contract has to have three KPIs..."

Snooze Alarm for Mole.

'Christmas dinner's almost ready dear.'

"Right so that's agreed, we can say 'Happy Festive Season' as long as we add the caveat that we are in no way liable for any lack of 'happiness' or a surfeit of 'misery'!"

"Santa's elves have to eat, you know."

During the Holiday season, Mr. Arthur Jeffries takes a little time to think of those who are less fortunate.

"We've decided to cut back and have Christmas every other year."

'So is this your lazy days of summer, or are we still working on spring?'

'I love crocuses. They seem to defy the winter snow to let you know spring is coming.'

"Did you get some work done?"

Christmas Socks

"You're really serious about that diet!"

"I'm going to need to make multiple stops."

The Four Seasonings.

"This weekend is seriously messing with some of my previously held beliefs."

'Year after year I play Santa, and I still don't know how to give.'

"Not exactly a snowman!"

Snowing

'Didn't I tell you I could find carrots even in winter?'