Festive Season Humorist Gifts

"I know what I don't want for Christmas – Chinese food."

No one cares any more whether you believe in Santa or not...these days it's all about climate change!!

"I'd like to boycott toys made by Santa's little helpers. I have concerns about the use of child labour."

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

Gracie goes to get cookies for Santa, but Papi has eaten them all.

Claus 2.0

'Why couldn't you just give him a bucket and shovel?'

"One more time, Mr Claus - who sold you the data?"

'Looks like someone beat us to the punch.'

Mrs. Claus has a ladies night out.

Night of the Latkes

#Thanksgiving #Nofilter

High security Santa's grotto

Van Gogh was starting to run out of gift ideas.

"You do realize his ‘nose so bright’ is going to attract a horde of Defense Department drones."

Hiding the electronics.

That one has all the batteries!

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

"A GPS! Thanks guys! It's exactly what I need to guide my sleigh...you know, in light of that unfortunate hunting accident."

"Ninja bread men"

"We don't care about his nose. We won't let him play because he's not vaccinated and won't wear a mask!"

"I don't think the turkey's going to be done on time. That's the dishwasher."

Books: The Wit and Wisdom of Ebenezer Scrooge

'This vacation, let's go on something OTHER than a power trip.'

"How about if we just winter in hell?"

'I was an egg in the Easter play.'

Non-Denominational Carols

Mrs Claus - North Pole Dancing.

Fish snorkling above water.

'Now it fits.'

'Lining my pockets with aluminum foil so I can sneak Thanksgiving leftovers home.'

Santa Claus You Are Welcome.

Little girl hoses down walkway as Santa slips and falls

"I admire your enthusiasm, but you’re not really flying."

"So last Christmas it was those Cabbage Patch Kids."