Festive Humorist Gifts

'I hear you're keeping a file on who's been naughty and who's been nice...'

"Someone has to talk to him about his texting."

"Dear Santa, Sorry no cookies this year. Please wipe down all surfaces when you leave. Thx!"

Your dad is a union man, isn't he?

Santa's Jolly Ole Complaint Resolution Call Center

"Sorry I can't tell you what's on my wish list. I don't share my personal data."

'I need something with a huge cargo rack and unlimited mileage.'

The End is Near.

Snowman has twisted, wonky carrot nose: 'Apparently, it's organic.'

'Maybe there is something in all this global warming stuff.'

'Nice try but we're getting a real tree this year.'

"Off to a bit of a bad start, aren't we, Dear?"

"The premium is high because you did over two million miles last year.'

'... But, if he knows when I'm sleeping and when I'm awake, isn't that an infringement of my right to privacy?'

Well it looks like somebody has the Christmas spirit.

'Sorry kids...no ponies or guns this year. My liability insurance doesn't cover me in delivering that stuff!'

Santa hosing the Chimney.

Mrs. Claus has a ladies night out.

"Yes, we can get you summer work, Mr. Claus...even at 1,700 years old we don't age discriminate."

North Pole Barber Shop Still Under Lockdown

'I hardly think a congregation of carol-singers amounts to riotous assembly'

Santa Goes Hybrid.

'...And last year I finally bagged me the big one!'

Christmas Presents.

'Santa's blotto.'

Santa 10 Items or Less.

"Are your trees fresh?"

'Whatever happened to 'Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.''

Pinata Trophy

Merry Sisyphus - Christmas pudding being pushed up a mountain.

Santa picks out a suitable light bulb for Rudolph's nose.

'It's a bill from Santa; for cleaning out the chimney.'

'We had to toddler proof the tree this year.'

'I'm suffering form post-Christmas depression.'

'I wish you'd stop calling it Santa's little helper'