Festive Humorist Gifts

'I hear you're keeping a file on who's been naughty and who's been nice...'

"Someone has to talk to him about his texting."

"Dear Santa, Sorry no cookies this year. Please wipe down all surfaces when you leave. Thx!"

Your dad is a union man, isn't he?

Santa's Jolly Ole Complaint Resolution Call Center

"Sorry I can't tell you what's on my wish list. I don't share my personal data."

'I need something with a huge cargo rack and unlimited mileage.'

'Maybe there is something in all this global warming stuff.'

Snowman has twisted, wonky carrot nose: 'Apparently, it's organic.'

'Nice try but we're getting a real tree this year.'

"The premium is high because you did over two million miles last year.'

"Off to a bit of a bad start, aren't we, Dear?"

Well it looks like somebody has the Christmas spirit.

North Pole Barber Shop Still Under Lockdown

Mrs. Claus has a ladies night out.

'I hardly think a congregation of carol-singers amounts to riotous assembly'

'... But, if he knows when I'm sleeping and when I'm awake, isn't that an infringement of my right to privacy?'

'Sorry kids...no ponies or guns this year. My liability insurance doesn't cover me in delivering that stuff!'

'...And last year I finally bagged me the big one!'

Santa hosing the Chimney.

Santa Goes Hybrid.

"Yes, we can get you summer work, Mr. Claus...even at 1,700 years old we don't age discriminate."

"Are your trees fresh?"

Pinata Trophy

Merry Sisyphus - Christmas pudding being pushed up a mountain.

Christmas Presents.

'For some reason, he likes to moon Cleveland!'

'I'm suffering form post-Christmas depression.'

'I wish you'd stop calling it Santa's little helper'

'Santa's blotto.'

'It's perfect! An indoor bathroom! How did you know?'

'It's a bill from Santa; for cleaning out the chimney.'

Santa 10 Items or Less.

Santa picks out a suitable light bulb for Rudolph's nose.

"I find your costume rather humerus."