Festive Humor Enthusiast Gifts

Meet a Representative of Santa Claus

'I'm sorry to disturb you, but new health and safety rules prohibit me from climbing down your chimney.'

"Rudolph! You're in no shape to guide my sleigh tonight!"

One of Santa's elves is crushed to death by a present in the workshop, ruining the 364 days of 'Elf and Safety'.

Happy Christmas 2020

Santa sends it all by FedEx.

'We've been outsourced to an Indian cool centre.'

"Sorry, pal, you're too late. I'm completely out of ideas."

Father Christmas with bodyguards.

'Look Eric, you're not having the same thing again this year. You had sex last Christmas.'

"Cheer up, Mr. Claus. At least someone believes you're real."

'What do you mean you had a little fender-bender this afternoon with the sleigh?!'

"We don't have a lot of options for working just one day a year."

What Naughty Kids Get For Christmas.

'Maybe there is something in all this global warming stuff.'

"And my client will be seeking significant damages for being mistakenly placed in the naughty column!"

"Do you have a returns policy?"

"From now on, Wilkins, I'll see you when you're sleeping, I'll know when you're awake."

Rudolf brown nosing his way in

"I gotta tell ya, right about now, I am not feeling particularly thankful!"

Inn Closed for Xmas.

"Sorry mate, you're not on the list."

"What? I find that I make a much better brake light."

"I have to take care of the brat alone. . .while daddy comes in once a year, brings a few gifts and is honored for it like a saint!"

"Oh no! It's definitely time to take care of the Christmas gifts!"

". . . And if I don't get it, I'm calling the better business bureau!"

"We'd better tell Santa! We're being sued by Billy Gerent: He claims us putting on the Naughty List is discriminatory..."

"Yes, I know we agreed not to buy each other presents this year, but I never believed you'd keep your word."

"We're not going anywhere until I find my motion sickness pills!"

"Do you have one in a bigger size?"

"Best not to risk it, I might find the joke offensive."

"The eggnog fountain is a bad idea."

"You don't seem too crazy about the downsizing idea."

"My lawyer will present my case that I was definitely 'nice'."

Merry Christmas, Putin!