Festive Humor Aficionado Gifts

'Energy saver.'

Christmas Star

Piranhaclaus

Mighty Man Of Justice Goes Christmas Shopping Part 1

Try me/try me/try me...

"Why would I want to meet Santa? I can just go home and log onto his social media page from the comfort of my bed."

"How could we be short? You had enough chocolate for everyone on our list!"

'I'm the ghost of Christmas future. I'm hammered, can we do this later...?'

"The eggnog fountain is a bad idea."

Well... Tis the season to be jolly!

"I think I preferred it before he became an equal-opportunity employer."

"And my client will be seeking significant damages for being mistakenly placed in the naughty column!"

Father Christmas Painting Robins.

“He’s timid, very shy. I rescued him from some wacko who tried to steal Christmas.”

"We can do this the easy way or we can do it the hard way ..."

'He's got your nose.'

'No sharing gifts! You get the Teddy Bear, he gets the bone.'

How to spot the infrequent Mass attendees.

'Maybe there is something in all this global warming stuff.'

"All it will do is move crime to the South Pole."

'We can always cook it one half at a time.'

'Let's skip Mr. Arnold's house. He's the dog catcher.'

"Could you help me fit nine days work into five and still see my family?"

"Do you feel your eyes have changed any since your last visit?" "No. They seem to be ho, ho, ho, holding their own."

'Kids like my presents, but do they really like me?'

Santa's Helpers

"I noticed a few browns."

'Our trip to Florida was great until Rob took us driving with the dolphins.'

'I've prepared a self-evaluation which you can refer to when you do my annual review.'

"Darling, do you remember where I put the insurance policies?"

'One of my relatives is coming to Thanksgiving dinner...and one of yours.'

"As you can see, I've learned the alphabet."

"These are my little helpers - social worker,child psychology, risk assessment,health and safety, paramedic and compo for kids."

'I get that reaction a lot.'

"Talk about close calls! Harry, tell them about last Thanksgiving!"