Holiday Humor Aficionado Gifts

Father Christmas under CCTV surveillance going down a chimney.

"Did you get a christmas bonus, dear?"

'Speeding? Of course I was speeding! I have to make over a billion deliveries in one night!'

"We're from Neighborhood Watch. We'd like to see some I.D."

10th day of christmas.

Two dogs eating Christmas dinner which they have taken from the oven.

'But... this is not the new bright shining star!'

'It's a girl.'

A dog chases Santa's sleigh.

"...And our 'Holiday Scented' candle smells just like credit cards."

"I got an invite to the next Trump rally."

"I don't mind Christmas Carols per se. It's Mistress feeling compelled to sing along that annoys me: she can't hold a tune..."

"I'm maybe not the real Santa, but I'm the only Santa who would do it for the money your dad was willing to pay for the job!"

"I noticed a few browns."

For Crying Out Loud I Am Not Rudolph

Profiling.

Kids' cartoon about the Easter Bunny and the delegation of Easter eggs.

Christmas in prison.

"This year we're skipping the Christmas letter and going for a barrage of robocalls."

"I don't really like Christmas." "Oh, be quiet. Have a pear."

Santa sits near workboxes: 'Naughty', 'Even worse'.

Christmas tree hangings.

"I've told you a thousand times, Rose; during Christmas, don't get into religious arguments with the goyim!"

Father Christmas and Texts.

'So that's how you keep your nose red!'

What super-villains get their kids for Christmas.

"I only have six screws left."

'Want to come to the Thanksgiving play, Grandma? I have a real meaty part.'

'You'll be going on a long journey this Christmas.'

"Not a good sign. It's a box of pop-up thermometers."

SANTAS OF THE UPPER WEST SIDE

"Thank goodness for the Holidays. We need new material to argue about."