Holiday Humor Lover Gifts

Due to privacy concerns Santa no longer sees you when you're sleeping, or when you're awake.

"It depends on which state we're visiting."

"Next Christmas, I drive the cattle, you go see Mom."

"Just how do you propose to pay for this giveaway?"

Santa Cruise

'I knew it!! I just KNEW IT!!! - I KNEW we should have filled out a confined space entry permit!!'

The wise men are followed by an auditor.

'See! I told you the roof needed repairing.'

'Find out who got Santa the Slim-master 6000 and put them on the naughty list.'

'Every Christmas season, Don would wonder who was responsible for all the signs saying he ate there.'

'It's perfectly natural to have anxiety attacks this time of year.'

Man dressed as Christmas tree.

"...but it's an elf and safety issue."

Hypnotist party.

'But I don't want to build toys. I want to be an accountant!'

"I spend January through November every year rebuilding my reputation after the annual holiday party."

Turkey Black Fridays.

"Obviously, because he had the best P.R. people he was the most famous reindeer of all."

'A charismatic leader, droves of elves working all the time for nothing.. looks like cult to me!'

Rudolph's Krav Maga demonstration was brief, but from that day forward, none of the other reindeer laughed or called him names.

Santa playing golf.

'Happy Mother's Day! Here's your gift - I'll be back later for dinner!'

Thanksgiving Dinners: (Turkey/Ham/Corned Beef/Children Under 5) 'They're eating their own now!'

I think I've figured out why you're having air flow problems.

'Are we there yet?...Are we there yet?...Are we there yet?

One of Santa's elves is crushed to death by a present in the workshop, ruining the 364 days of 'Elf and Safety'.

'That's weird! Last year you signed your autograph left-handed.'

Santa being squeezed into chimney by reindeers.

'You've never decorated a Christmas tree before, have you dear?'

"Have Yourself a Merry Little Xmas with the In-Your-Face Country Carollers"

"Well, maybe next year, you'll remember the rope!"

'Your numbers are continuing to slide, Santa. You need to be active more than one day a year.'

'It was just going to be too difficult to untangle.'

'It wasn't a loan, Judge. He said it was a gift!'

'My fitness band is telling me I need to be active more than one day a year.'