Holiday Season Humor Lover Gifts

'Leave the Iranian airspace at once!'

"Damn. I think I missed the turn for Bethlehem."

Mrs. Claus has a ladies night out.

Elfie Stick

Mighty Man Of Justice Goes Christmas Shopping Part 1

Happy Holidays from Sanitary Claus!

Piranhaclaus

Try me/try me/try me...

"I prefer to talk to Mrs. Claus. She doesn't care if I'm naughty or nice."

"Why would I want to meet Santa? I can just go home and log onto his social media page from the comfort of my bed."

Evil elves trying to take advantage of Christmas tree fairies.

'I'm the ghost of Christmas future. I'm hammered, can we do this later...?'

"I always forget how much louder they sound in the country."

"How could we be short? You had enough chocolate for everyone on our list!"

"I think I preferred it before he became an equal-opportunity employer."

"I could get used to working remotely."

How to spot the infrequent Mass attendees.

“He’s timid, very shy. I rescued him from some wacko who tried to steal Christmas.”

'He's got your nose.'

Father Christmas Painting Robins.

'No sharing gifts! You get the Teddy Bear, he gets the bone.'

"We can do this the easy way or we can do it the hard way ..."

"All it will do is move crime to the South Pole."

'Our trip to Florida was great until Rob took us driving with the dolphins.'

'We can always cook it one half at a time.'

"You really clean up on these mileage deductions, don't you."

You Will Have a Merry Christmas. . . Resistance is Futile.

"I noticed a few browns."

"Then you just run a VLOOKUP against the Naughty column."

Santa's Helpers

"Could you help me fit nine days work into five and still see my family?"

'Let's skip Mr. Arnold's house. He's the dog catcher.'

Christmas on Other Planets.

'I've prepared a self-evaluation which you can refer to when you do my annual review.'

"Darling, do you remember where I put the insurance policies?"