Holiday Humor Enthusiast Gifts

Obsessive-Compulsive Santa

"We got you a dreidel."

"The knees are the first to go."

"Fa-la-la-la-la,la-labor $95 an hour."

World's Most Obscure Christmas Songs

"I think I preferred it before he became an equal-opportunity employer."

'...So I figured with all of this free cooling why not install a data center?'

'and I suppose you'll be working again this Christmas?'

"Now we'll need a sitter for New Year's Eve."

'What do you mean they all have swine flu?'

'Well, yes, I give the toys away for free, but I make it up in volume.'

'Funny, every November, she always seems to find herself an overweight boyfriend with life insurance.'

"Sorry Rudolf, but we've gone solar."

'Well of course I'm not Santa! He contracts out!'

'This is our leftovers from Christmas.'

Three wise men?! And not one of you bought chocolate!

'I've prepared a self-evaluation which you can refer to when you do my annual review.'

JANUARY 3RD AT ROCKEFELLER CENTER.

'Good news. Even though you've been spending way beyond your means, the IMF is giving you a bailout. It seems you're too big to fail.'

"How do I know you're not going to turn around and spend it on eggnog?"

"I set up the sensors. He sees you when you're sleeping."

Post-Season's Greetings: 'Y'know...a month ago, everyone was all, 'Let me buy you a drink, Santa!' Now suddenly it's, 'Who's the little weirdo in the red suit?'...'

Computer screen says 'Have you been naughty/nice?' Santa says to elf: 'The kids send very few letters since you set up that website.'

"I do all of my holiday shopping on line."

Reindeer Tryouts Today Only

"I don't care if it is near the holidays. Stop calling the patient's liver a 'giblet'!"

What's this deduction of $20 million for gifts?

'Attention - I'm having an endocrinologist in tomorrow to look at all of you.'

"Wishing yuo a very merry Christmas and Propserous New Year."

Jewish reindeer

'I've got some good news and some bad news. The bad news is Wally fell into the sanding machine. The good news is he's nice and smooth.'

"Maybe you should have hired an accountant to check your return twice."

"You're kidding! That's horrible. So what are you doing for Thanksgiving?"

I should probably stop ordering so many gifts for myself

Thanksgiving Ducks - thankful we're not turkeys.