Christmas Humor Lover Gifts

Pub quiz night. Man says 'Oh no, look who's in ..' Three Wise Men sit at adjacent table.

A Wii in a manger

'Our new Finance Director, Ebenezer, tells me he can start immediately on identifying areas where we can make cuts.'

'So I charged a few billion gifts last year. I was going to pay it later.'

'My name is Rudolph and I am an alcoholic.'

A centipede's Christmas stockings

'Dude, you leave the house once a year...what did you expect?'

"A good paper, except that it's 'no room at the inn'..."

'Don't let that 'workshop' baloney fool you. I happen to know he cleared forty two million when he sold out to Northnet Industries.'

'Before he grew his beard, Kris Kringle was know as St 'Nick', patron saint of people who cut themselves shaving.'

After they became friends, Rudolph found out just what reindeer games the reindeer played.

Santa with reindeer minders.

"What did your tia Carmen get you for Christmas?"

"My colleagues across the aisle are punishing the coal industry. Why? To prevent Santa from the stuffing their Christmas stockings with it."

Nice Santa vs. Naughty Santa.

Politically correct Xmas presents

'I don't know how I'm going to get this down the chimney.'

"I've been a good boy this year Santa. With this in mind, I want your wallet, watch, mobile phone..."

'Oh darling, a bottle of water! It's just what I wanted.'

"No seatbelts, no pilot's license, no flight plan - you're grounded, buddy!"

"An aluminum baseball bat? Are you kidding? With the tariffs, my raw material costs are up 25%. How about some soybeans?"

"Okay, who's the wise guy elf?"

"Well, what would YOU like for Christmas?"

"Rudolph, with you nose so bright... I'm using my GPS device tonight!"

Snowball tied to warn the stranger but the attack was already under way.

And furthermore my client will be seeking significant damages to compensate for Xmas present losses resulting from your libelous inclusion of his name in your naughty book

Elf on the Top Shelf

"And he can make 347,000 home visits in one night!"

"Mary thanked me, and said, 'Fleece Navidad'."

A Human Male Christmas tree in the corner of a Pine tree family's home on Christmas day.

'Either Santa's real and Obama's make-believe or the other way around - I can't remember.'

Nativity with the star crashing into the stable.

"It's just as I feared - we're on Santa's naughty list."

'Actually, I don't know how much I pay the elves - Mrs. Santa handles all the financial stuff.'

'I am the ghost of Christmas future...with fries!'