Festive Humor Aficionado Pillows

'Energy saver.'

Christmas Star

Piranhaclaus

"Why would I want to meet Santa? I can just go home and log onto his social media page from the comfort of my bed."

Try me/try me/try me...

'I'm the ghost of Christmas future. I'm hammered, can we do this later...?'

Well... Tis the season to be jolly!

"How could we be short? You had enough chocolate for everyone on our list!"

"The eggnog fountain is a bad idea."

"I think I preferred it before he became an equal-opportunity employer."

"And my client will be seeking significant damages for being mistakenly placed in the naughty column!"

“He’s timid, very shy. I rescued him from some wacko who tried to steal Christmas.”

'He's got your nose.'

Father Christmas Painting Robins.

"We can do this the easy way or we can do it the hard way ..."

'No sharing gifts! You get the Teddy Bear, he gets the bone.'

'Maybe there is something in all this global warming stuff.'

"All it will do is move crime to the South Pole."

Santa's Helpers

'We can always cook it one half at a time.'

"Do you feel your eyes have changed any since your last visit?" "No. They seem to be ho, ho, ho, holding their own."

"Could you help me fit nine days work into five and still see my family?"

'Our trip to Florida was great until Rob took us driving with the dolphins.'

"I noticed a few browns."

'Let's skip Mr. Arnold's house. He's the dog catcher.'

'Kids like my presents, but do they really like me?'

'I've prepared a self-evaluation which you can refer to when you do my annual review.'

'One of my relatives is coming to Thanksgiving dinner...and one of yours.'

"As you can see, I've learned the alphabet."

"These are my little helpers - social worker,child psychology, risk assessment,health and safety, paramedic and compo for kids."

'I get that reaction a lot.'

"Oh, as long as he needs you, Santa's a great guy. But once things slow down and he wants a little vacation time with Mrs. C., it's 'goodbye North Pole, hello crappy temp job!'"

Santa Claus delivers present to man stranded on desert island.

"Talk about close calls! Harry, tell them about last Thanksgiving!"