Christmas Humor Aficionado Pillows

'Not more WikiLeaks...I still have not read the first lot .'

"Christmas is a time for giving....So I'd like you to give me all your money!"

"Damn. I think I missed the turn for Bethlehem."

Mrs. Claus has a ladies night out.

Elfie Stick

Piranhaclaus

Happy Holidays from Sanitary Claus!

"I prefer to talk to Mrs. Claus. She doesn't care if I'm naughty or nice."

"Why would I want to meet Santa? I can just go home and log onto his social media page from the comfort of my bed."

Try me/try me/try me...

"The eggnog fountain is a bad idea."

Evil elves trying to take advantage of Christmas tree fairies.

'I'm the ghost of Christmas future. I'm hammered, can we do this later...?'

"How could we be short? You had enough chocolate for everyone on our list!"

"I think I preferred it before he became an equal-opportunity employer."

"I could get used to working remotely."

"And my client will be seeking significant damages for being mistakenly placed in the naughty column!"

'He's got your nose.'

“He’s timid, very shy. I rescued him from some wacko who tried to steal Christmas.”

"We can do this the easy way or we can do it the hard way ..."

Father Christmas Painting Robins.

'No sharing gifts! You get the Teddy Bear, he gets the bone.'

'Maybe there is something in all this global warming stuff.'

"All it will do is move crime to the South Pole."

"Could you help me fit nine days work into five and still see my family?"

"Then you just run a VLOOKUP against the Naughty column."

'Let's skip Mr. Arnold's house. He's the dog catcher.'

'We can always cook it one half at a time.'

Santa's Helpers

"I noticed a few browns."

You Will Have a Merry Christmas. . . Resistance is Futile.

'Our trip to Florida was great until Rob took us driving with the dolphins.'

'I've prepared a self-evaluation which you can refer to when you do my annual review.'