Festive Humor Appreciator Pillows

Elf and Safety Days = 0.

'Looks good to me, but I'll run it past Bill O'Reilly!'

Making the most of coal in his Christmas stocking.

Santa-Anna.

'I remember the Smith's Housekeeping skills from last year.'

"And what would you like for Christmas, little boy!"

Mrs. Claus has a ladies night out.

Well... Tis the season to be jolly!

"The eggnog fountain is a bad idea."

'I'm the ghost of Christmas future. I'm hammered, can we do this later...?'

"I always forget how much louder they sound in the country."

Christmas Presents.

"And my client will be seeking significant damages for being mistakenly placed in the naughty column!"

'Maybe there is something in all this global warming stuff.'

Santa 'Freezing' Claus.

'Kids like my presents, but do they really like me?'

"Do you feel your eyes have changed any since your last visit?" "No. They seem to be ho, ho, ho, holding their own."

Snowman has twisted, wonky carrot nose: 'Apparently, it's organic.'

"As you can see, I've learned the alphabet."

'Whatever happened to 'Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.''

'I get that reaction a lot.'

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

"We don't use good and bad lists anymore. Now we have stupid, really stupid and completely nuts lists."

Merry Sisyphus - Christmas pudding being pushed up a mountain.

'Well, hello, Mr. Christmas!'

The Salivation army.

"In normal circumstances a full state pension would be an automatic..."

Your dad is a union man, isn't he?

Santa hosing the Chimney.

Santa with a boy on his knee:' I've got your 300 dollars. Did you bring your Mom and Dad's social security numbers and password information?'

T'was the night before Christmas and all through the house not a creature was stirring...except Bert who had a weak bladder!

"Doesn't it seem like we just finished letting the air out of last year's tree?"

"We had no sherry so I left him some of your dad's home brew instead."

"Well, if you expect me to be good, you'll have to bring me something better than the rubbish I got last year!"

"So Mr. Claus, there is a Virginia!"