Holiday Humor Appreciator Pillows

"My existing plan dropped me, too!"

'What do you mean I've been replaced by an 'app'...?'

"Cherish this moment, because clearly our parents are getting a divorce."

"We are thankful for this abundance of food....but we can use a little more patience. Amen."

'Here's your coffee. Happy holidays!'

'I've left Santa out a little something.'

'I hate mistletoe!'

"Santa's started franchising out delivery.'

Christmas shoplifting seems to start earlier every year.

"The festive season makes me nervous, Bob."

"I'm dreaming of a 'Green Christmas'!"

The Salivation army.

'In a word, my problem is Christmas.'

'My Christmas bonus.'

'What's this I hear about a labor strike?'

'I thought spending Christmas with the outlaws was bad enough - here comes the in-laws!'

"Isn't it about time you tell people they have to pay for this stuff and they're going crazy into debt!?"

Ghost of Happy Holidays Future

Year ends not with a bang but with a whimper

"I always forget how much louder they sound in the country."

"Mrs. Santa Claus wants a divorce, the elves in my workshop is on strike, the reindeer just hate me and global warming makes my place in the North Pole melt!"

"Damn. I think I missed the turn for Bethlehem."

Mrs. Claus has a ladies night out.

Elfie Stick

Happy Holidays from Sanitary Claus!

Piranhaclaus

"Why would I want to meet Santa? I can just go home and log onto his social media page from the comfort of my bed."

"I prefer to talk to Mrs. Claus. She doesn't care if I'm naughty or nice."

Evil elves trying to take advantage of Christmas tree fairies.

'Dang, again we're going so fast that we caused a disruption in the time-space continuum.'

"How could we be short? You had enough chocolate for everyone on our list!"

"I think I preferred it before he became an equal-opportunity employer."

"I could get used to working remotely."

'No sharing gifts! You get the Teddy Bear, he gets the bone.'

Father Christmas Painting Robins.