Holiday Humor Appreciation Pillows

"You really clean up on these mileage deductions, don't you."

"Damn. I think I missed the turn for Bethlehem."

Mrs. Claus has a ladies night out.

Elfie Stick

Happy Holidays from Sanitary Claus!

'You and your 'Rescue the Reindeer' campaign!'

Piranhaclaus

"I prefer to talk to Mrs. Claus. She doesn't care if I'm naughty or nice."

Try me/try me/try me...

"Why would I want to meet Santa? I can just go home and log onto his social media page from the comfort of my bed."

"How could we be short? You had enough chocolate for everyone on our list!"

"I can't imagine why we didn't think of this before."

'Dang, again we're going so fast that we caused a disruption in the time-space continuum.'

"I always forget how much louder they sound in the country."

Evil elves trying to take advantage of Christmas tree fairies.

'I'm the ghost of Christmas future. I'm hammered, can we do this later...?'

"I think I preferred it before he became an equal-opportunity employer."

"I could get used to working remotely."

'He's got your nose.'

Father Christmas Painting Robins.

'No sharing gifts! You get the Teddy Bear, he gets the bone.'

“He’s timid, very shy. I rescued him from some wacko who tried to steal Christmas.”

'Looks like no Christmas bonus this year.'

"We can do this the easy way or we can do it the hard way ..."

Stonehenge Sandcastle

Browned off cows. They can't pull a cracker.

"All it will do is move crime to the South Pole."

"Then you just run a VLOOKUP against the Naughty column."

Santa's Helpers

'Our trip to Florida was great until Rob took us driving with the dolphins.'

"Gesundheit!"

'Let's skip Mr. Arnold's house. He's the dog catcher.'

"Could you help me fit nine days work into five and still see my family?"