Holiday Humor Pillows

'...So I figured with all of this free cooling why not install a data center?'

'It's not gifts I want, but someone who listens.'

Snowman has other fruit and veg as well as carrot: 'I'm making sure I get my five daily portions.'

"Years ago, there was only one Santa Claus. Now because of genetic engineering, there can be lots of them."

Santa being squeezed into chimney by reindeers.

'I'm sorry, Rudolph, you reindeers are too expensive. This year, I'll work with subcontractors.'

"So, you're claiming 32 million gifts as a legitimate business expense."

"Whoope! I've lost a pound!"

I love my job, I love my job, I love my job.........

"I don't believe in you. Besides, if you'r real, why do you need to worry about retirement investments? Aren't you timeless?"

Don't even think about it!

Santa Security Check

Turkey with an ax to grind.

Santa contemplates whether or not to leave presents.

'Naughty or nice? - I suppose you mean by White male standards, right?'

Nice/Naughty/Morally Complex

A centipede's Christmas stockings

"I'm just sayin', Boss, maybe you should lay off the cookies and milk for a while!"

Of course, then there was Lester, the brown-nosed reindeer.

'So what's your secret?'

"...that lump in your sack is just a soccer ball."

"You've got to help me, my life is in great danger"

"Then I ask the kids for their address and security system code – so's I won't trip the alarm."

Mobster tries to recruit Santa as a hitman.

'HO,HO,HO,WHY ARE YOU AFRAID OF SANTA CLAUS??!!'

U.S Airspace missile detection meets Santa

Snowman half melted, computer lies on the floor. Other snowman says: 'I warned you about using that laptop.'

'Look! There's Santa!'

Next time we see Farmer Pickles with scissors and reams of sticky tape, we stampede!

Desert island hammock.

'Sorry kids...no ponies or guns this year. My liability insurance doesn't cover me in delivering that stuff!'

'A Christmas gift for someone who has everything.'

"I think a potty would be more dignified"

'After you ask him for the pony, ask him to pay for your college education.'

"Is the house ready for Christmas? It was until you just walked in."