Holiday Humor Pillows

'...So I figured with all of this free cooling why not install a data center?'

'It's not gifts I want, but someone who listens.'

Snowman has other fruit and veg as well as carrot: 'I'm making sure I get my five daily portions.'

"Years ago, there was only one Santa Claus. Now because of genetic engineering, there can be lots of them."

Santa being squeezed into chimney by reindeers.

'I'm sorry, Rudolph, you reindeers are too expensive. This year, I'll work with subcontractors.'

"So, you're claiming 32 million gifts as a legitimate business expense."

I love my job, I love my job, I love my job.........

"Whoope! I've lost a pound!"

"I don't believe in you. Besides, if you'r real, why do you need to worry about retirement investments? Aren't you timeless?"

Turkey with an ax to grind.

Santa Security Check

Don't even think about it!

Santa contemplates whether or not to leave presents.

Nice/Naughty/Morally Complex

'Naughty or nice? - I suppose you mean by White male standards, right?'

"I'm just sayin', Boss, maybe you should lay off the cookies and milk for a while!"

'I'll grant you, he's generous when it comes to giving...but when has he ever bought a round ?'

'After you ask him for the pony, ask him to pay for your college education.'

'A Christmas gift for someone who has everything.'

'Look! There's Santa!'

Ebenezer Scrooge's in/out baskets say 'Bah and Humbug!'

Of course, then there was Lester, the brown-nosed reindeer.

Mobster tries to recruit Santa as a hitman.

"I think a potty would be more dignified"

"Is the house ready for Christmas? It was until you just walked in."

'Santa's blotto.'

'HO,HO,HO,WHY ARE YOU AFRAID OF SANTA CLAUS??!!'

Next time we see Farmer Pickles with scissors and reams of sticky tape, we stampede!

'So what's your secret?'

"...that lump in your sack is just a soccer ball."

'Sorry kids...no ponies or guns this year. My liability insurance doesn't cover me in delivering that stuff!'

U.S Airspace missile detection meets Santa

Desert island hammock.

Snowman half melted, computer lies on the floor. Other snowman says: 'I warned you about using that laptop.'