Christmas Humor Pillows

"No more for him, he has to drive."

'I spend the winter in Sarasota now, since I sold my entire list to telemarketers.'

Santa selling a blackmarket Playstation 2

'Illegal immigrant.'

"I guess no car for me this Christmas either."

"We bring him gifts of gold, frankincense and mercantile mutual hedge fund options."

Things are changing back like the old days!

Mighty Man Of Justice Goes Christmas Shopping Part 1

"How could we be short? You had enough chocolate for everyone on our list!"

'Dang, again we're going so fast that we caused a disruption in the time-space continuum.'

"I think I preferred it before he became an equal-opportunity employer."

"We can do this the easy way or we can do it the hard way ..."

'No sharing gifts! You get the Teddy Bear, he gets the bone.'

“He’s timid, very shy. I rescued him from some wacko who tried to steal Christmas.”

Father Christmas Painting Robins.

'Looks like no Christmas bonus this year.'

How to spot the infrequent Mass attendees.

"All it will do is move crime to the South Pole."

"Could you help me fit nine days work into five and still see my family?"

'We can always cook it one half at a time.'

Santa's Helpers

'I've prepared a self-evaluation which you can refer to when you do my annual review.'

"Darling, do you remember where I put the insurance policies?"

A centipede's Christmas stockings

"These are my little helpers - social worker,child psychology, risk assessment,health and safety, paramedic and compo for kids."

"As you can see, I've learned the alphabet."

Santa Claus delivers present to man stranded on desert island.

'I am the ghost of Christmas future...with fries!'

"Talk about close calls! Harry, tell them about last Thanksgiving!"

'That's right Bill, I caught the Gingerbread Man...'

"Oh, as long as he needs you, Santa's a great guy. But once things slow down and he wants a little vacation time with Mrs. C., it's 'goodbye North Pole, hello crappy temp job!'"

"Well, what would YOU like for Christmas?"

"I like it here but if Santa doesn't get better WiFi I'm getting a new job."

'Wait a minute... What the heck is frankincense?'

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