Christmas Humor Pillows

'I spend the winter in Sarasota now, since I sold my entire list to telemarketers.'

'Illegal immigrant.'

"I guess no car for me this Christmas either."

"We bring him gifts of gold, frankincense and mercantile mutual hedge fund options."

Things are changing back like the old days!

'Dang, again we're going so fast that we caused a disruption in the time-space continuum.'

"How could we be short? You had enough chocolate for everyone on our list!"

"I think I preferred it before he became an equal-opportunity employer."

“He’s timid, very shy. I rescued him from some wacko who tried to steal Christmas.”

"We can do this the easy way or we can do it the hard way ..."

'Looks like no Christmas bonus this year.'

'No sharing gifts! You get the Teddy Bear, he gets the bone.'

Father Christmas Painting Robins.

"All it will do is move crime to the South Pole."

'We can always cook it one half at a time.'

"Could you help me fit nine days work into five and still see my family?"

Santa's Helpers

'I've prepared a self-evaluation which you can refer to when you do my annual review.'

"As you can see, I've learned the alphabet."

"These are my little helpers - social worker,child psychology, risk assessment,health and safety, paramedic and compo for kids."

Santa Claus delivers present to man stranded on desert island.

"Oh, as long as he needs you, Santa's a great guy. But once things slow down and he wants a little vacation time with Mrs. C., it's 'goodbye North Pole, hello crappy temp job!'"

"Well, what would YOU like for Christmas?"

'I am the ghost of Christmas future...with fries!'

"I like it here but if Santa doesn't get better WiFi I'm getting a new job."

"Talk about close calls! Harry, tell them about last Thanksgiving!"

'That's right Bill, I caught the Gingerbread Man...'

'Wait a minute... What the heck is frankincense?'

We've Placed These Cookies Here To Learn More About You.

Santa's doner kebab - Santa, one of the reindeer has gone missing.

Merry Sisyphus - Christmas pudding being pushed up a mountain.

'HO,HO,HO,WHY ARE YOU AFRAID OF SANTA CLAUS??!!'

'After you ask him for the pony, ask him to pay for your college education.'

Dog's Christmas list.