Christmas Humor Fan Pillows

"Relax. I'm here for the Christmas tree."

'In life... be careful what you wish for'

Ho! Ho! Ho! From North Pole.

'So much for the milk and cookies. How do you take your eggs in the morning?'

"Damn!. . . Another boil. . . Every Christmas Eve sure as clockwork!"

'After one thousand warm beers I think I'm entitled to a toilet break!'

'Nothing. Turn off the porch light.'

Gold, Frankenstein and Myrr ?

'Apparently the thieves were looking for the gold, frankincense and myrrh.'

'Hunting doesn't make you naughty, it's natural: Santa knows that...'

Christmas Corset.

'You are the unwisest man...goodbye.'

'Didn't I warn you not to have the vindaloo?'

'I can assure you officer, we are not looters.'

Rudolph the Brown-nosed Reindeer

"He's coming out halo first!"

"It's 2020. What do you want?"

"Same thing every year, I tell Santa I want my balls back, and I get a freaking stuffed animal."

"Damn. I think I missed the turn for Bethlehem."

Mrs. Claus has a ladies night out.

Elfie Stick

Happy Holidays from Sanitary Claus!

Try me/try me/try me...

"I prefer to talk to Mrs. Claus. She doesn't care if I'm naughty or nice."

'I'm the ghost of Christmas future. I'm hammered, can we do this later...?'

Well... Tis the season to be jolly!

Evil elves trying to take advantage of Christmas tree fairies.

"I could get used to working remotely."

'He's got your nose.'

You Will Have a Merry Christmas. . . Resistance is Futile.

"Then you just run a VLOOKUP against the Naughty column."

'Let's skip Mr. Arnold's house. He's the dog catcher.'

"Do you feel your eyes have changed any since your last visit?" "No. They seem to be ho, ho, ho, holding their own."

'Our trip to Florida was great until Rob took us driving with the dolphins.'

'One of my relatives is coming to Thanksgiving dinner...and one of yours.'