Xmas Humor Fans Pillows

"North Pole gift order line. How may I help you?"

Piranhaclaus

Try me/try me/try me...

"Why would I want to meet Santa? I can just go home and log onto his social media page from the comfort of my bed."

'I'm the ghost of Christmas future. I'm hammered, can we do this later...?'

'He's got your nose.'

'Our trip to Florida was great until Rob took us driving with the dolphins.'

'Kids like my presents, but do they really like me?'

'Let's skip Mr. Arnold's house. He's the dog catcher.'

'One of my relatives is coming to Thanksgiving dinner...and one of yours.'

"We don't use good and bad lists anymore. Now we have stupid, really stupid and completely nuts lists."

"Hi, my name is Rudolph." "Hi Rudolph." "And I have a drinking problem." "Hi Rudolph." "Hi Rudolph." "Hi Rudolph." "Hi Rudolph." "Hi Rudolph."

'Wait a minute... What the heck is frankincense?'

"I don't care who's naughty or nice anymore-I only keep track of who's crossed me."

Santa Claus and the Snowman Cross Paths

"Dear Santa, This Christmas please send clothes for all those poor naked girls on daddy's computer. Love, Veronica"

'Christmas dinner's almost ready dear.'

"Santa's elves have to eat, you know."

"You have the Hum bug.'

'This way! We will grant you sanctuary!'

"Just because you can go around the world in one night doesn't mean you can also do your taxes that way!"

Full Serve/Elf Serve

An Amazon drone crashes into Santa's sleigh

Santa Enjoys Venison.

"Doesn't it seem like we just finished letting the air out of last year's tree?"

'Didn't I warn you not to have the vindaloo?'

'Santas Ponzi Scheme'

'Never mind the price, what the hell is myrhh?'

'...So I figured with all of this free cooling why not install a data center?'

"You've got a fairy light at the back."

"The Three Wise Men followed a star...wasn't their GPS working?"

I may have a belly full of jelly, but trust me, no one is faster at going through duct work.