Xmas Humor Fans Gifts

"North Pole gift order line. How may I help you?"

Piranhaclaus

Try me/try me/try me...

"Why would I want to meet Santa? I can just go home and log onto his social media page from the comfort of my bed."

'I'm the ghost of Christmas future. I'm hammered, can we do this later...?'

'He's got your nose.'

'Kids like my presents, but do they really like me?'

'Let's skip Mr. Arnold's house. He's the dog catcher.'

'Our trip to Florida was great until Rob took us driving with the dolphins.'

'One of my relatives is coming to Thanksgiving dinner...and one of yours.'

"We don't use good and bad lists anymore. Now we have stupid, really stupid and completely nuts lists."

"Hi, my name is Rudolph." "Hi Rudolph." "And I have a drinking problem." "Hi Rudolph." "Hi Rudolph." "Hi Rudolph." "Hi Rudolph." "Hi Rudolph."

'Wait a minute... What the heck is frankincense?'

"I don't care who's naughty or nice anymore-I only keep track of who's crossed me."

Santa Claus and the Snowman Cross Paths

"Santa's elves have to eat, you know."

'Christmas dinner's almost ready dear.'

"Dear Santa, This Christmas please send clothes for all those poor naked girls on daddy's computer. Love, Veronica"

'This way! We will grant you sanctuary!'

"You have the Hum bug.'

"Just because you can go around the world in one night doesn't mean you can also do your taxes that way!"

Santa Enjoys Venison.

Santa's Second Stringers.

'With all those presents Santa carries, do you think he packs heat? . . . And maybe he's not really fat, but he's wearing a kevlar vest.'

'Didn't I warn you not to have the vindaloo?'

With all of the drone traffic, Santa had to replace Rudolph with Randolph the radar-nosed reindeer!

An Amazon drone crashes into Santa's sleigh

"Doesn't it seem like we just finished letting the air out of last year's tree?"

'Santas Ponzi Scheme'

'Never mind the price, what the hell is myrhh?'

Full Serve/Elf Serve

'...So I figured with all of this free cooling why not install a data center?'

"You've got a fairy light at the back."

"The Three Wise Men followed a star...wasn't their GPS working?"

And then I said, "Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble ..." So he said "Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble ..." Of course, I had to say, "Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble ..." It happens every year -0 the turkey never fails to put him to sleep!"