Christmas Comedy Fans Gifts

Santa Claus reads a newspaper while Rudolph's head is mounted on a wall behind him.

"You're gonna be happy to learn your husband's annual overnight disappearances have a perfectly innocent explanation, Mrs. Claus."

Elves in the Closet

Claus on the Santa phone.

'I'm a Tasmanian Devil, so no, I didn't make Santa's good-list again this year...'

"We don't care about his nose. We won't let him play because he's not vaccinated and won't wear a mask!"

'Kids like my presents, but do they really like me?'

"Donner and Blitzen are just our stage names."

"I don't care who's naughty or nice anymore-I only keep track of who's crossed me."

"Sharp shooter, huh? Well, I was attacked by an ax murderer!"

'Didn't I warn you not to have the vindaloo?'

Santa's Second Stringers.

'With all those presents Santa carries, do you think he packs heat? . . . And maybe he's not really fat, but he's wearing a kevlar vest.'

"Doesn't it seem like we just finished letting the air out of last year's tree?"

"He must be a South Pole elf..."

'Santas Ponzi Scheme'

Notice! Due to COVID, all reindeer games are postponed indefinitely.

'Never mind the price, what the hell is myrhh?'

"Sorry I'm late. We were delayed when Rudolph caught a drone in his antlers."

'...So I figured with all of this free cooling why not install a data center?'

Visit Santa today...sponsored by Acme Razor Company

"The Three Wise Men followed a star...wasn't their GPS working?"

Santa incorporates therapy into his repertoire.

I may have a belly full of jelly, but trust me, no one is faster at going through duct work.

"I thought you might like to have a merrier brain for the new millennium!"

About Santa 2017.

"Just answer the question, sir. Is it true that you're not planning to watch 'It's a Wonderful Life' this holiday season?"

Christmas Eve and Christmas Adam

Santa Hat Hair

"Has your husband been exposed to Christmas at all?"

"Claus Trophobia"

"Well, I ain't flyin' next to him!"

"I'm sorry but I only employ elves..."

'Don't worry, I come in peace today: Merry Christmas!'

'Santa's blotto.'