Christmas Comedy Fan Gifts

'...So I figured with all of this free cooling why not install a data center?'

"I don't care who's naughty or nice anymore-I only keep track of who's crossed me."

"I'm not late! You're early!"

Defrost December 24th.

How about something for me?

'According to our information, you worked between the 24th and 25th of December, whilst still claiming unemployment benefit.'

"Well, Santa, from where did you think that we were getting all those gifts that you delivered all these years?"

'I won't need toys this year. I'm only delivering bonuses.'

Flakey the Snowman

"Has your husband been exposed to Christmas at all?"

House is covered in Christmas lights. Man uses phone. Wife says: 'I don't mind you going over the top, but do we really need a celebrity to switch them on?'

'The birth? Not bad. Halo was a bit of a problem...'

6 Children or Less

"Everyone does Fat Santa, but I liked him better when he was young and cool."

"We're the three wise baristas bearing gifts of pumpkin spice, peppermint mocha, and eggnog latte."

"Well, Blitzen is feeling a little low, so in her place I'm trying her brother, Blitzkrieg."

"No, that's not mine. Do you have one with a big red nose?"

Poor Santa

"I understand why they replaced his nose with a GPS, but it just doesn't have the same charm."

'Santas Ponzi Scheme'

Santa Crisis

'My life is worse than yours' (Reindeer)

"That puppy was suppose to be for life, not just for Christmas!"

'I am the ghost of Christmas present.'

"Bling! Air Freshener! Scent! You're joking!

Three wise men in a limousine.

Whizzing you a Merry Christmas

North Pole Dances

"I'm not at all convinced by Santa's new hipster look."

'Never mind the price, what the hell is myrhh?'

I was considered a part time employee since I only worked one night a year and thus wasn't eligible for the pension plan, so here I am in my golden years.

Now that Rudolph, his nose so bright, is being raised on McWit's Organic Farm he has to have regular drug tests.

About Santa 2017.

"We don't care about his nose. We won't let him play because he's not vaccinated and won't wear a mask!"

"You do realize his ‘nose so bright’ is going to attract a horde of Defense Department drones."