Christmas Satire Fan Gifts

Santa with a boy on his knee:' I've got your 300 dollars. Did you bring your Mom and Dad's social security numbers and password information?'

SANTA'S ATTORNEY

Try me/try me/try me...

'I'm the ghost of Christmas future. I'm hammered, can we do this later...?'

'He's got your nose.'

'Our trip to Florida was great until Rob took us driving with the dolphins.'

'Let's skip Mr. Arnold's house. He's the dog catcher.'

'One of my relatives is coming to Thanksgiving dinner...and one of yours.'

"Or we could turn on the TV and let younger, more beautiful people have sex for us."

Hot food cafe open every day except Christmas Day.

"I don't care who's naughty or nice anymore-I only keep track of who's crossed me."

"Santa's elves have to eat, you know."

Missing Daylight: So dark. So cold.

'This way! We will grant you sanctuary!'

'Santas Ponzi Scheme'

An Amazon drone crashes into Santa's sleigh

With all of the drone traffic, Santa had to replace Rudolph with Randolph the radar-nosed reindeer!

"You want the lead role in the Thanksgiving play, don't you? Try again, 'Gobble, gobble, gobble' - this time with feeling!"

'Cannibalism has always repulsed me - until i tasted Aunty Judy's knees'

'Never mind the price, what the hell is myrhh?'

Full Serve/Elf Serve

'Didn't I warn you not to have the vindaloo?'

'...So I figured with all of this free cooling why not install a data center?'

And then I said, "Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble ..." So he said "Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble ..." Of course, I had to say, "Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble ..." It happens every year -0 the turkey never fails to put him to sleep!"

Santa Claus uses drones to deliver presents on Christmas.

'Dang it, Dasher, I told you to go before we left to North Pole!'

'You better watch out, you better not cry, we're here to abduct some earthlings that's why, aliens are coming to town.'

Woman on a Pedestal. . . Who Married the Mothers Boy.

"Has your husband been exposed to Christmas at all?"

About Santa 2017.

Rudolph Red Light District

"Nice tree! Did you chew that one down yourself?"

Santa's grotto advertising 'Talk to Santa', is next to a diet clinic with a sign in the window, 'Santa, talk to us.'

"We love Santa, but Santa didn't know as much about investing as he thought he did."

'Your resume is quite impressive, but we're looking for self-starters.'